by reading my title u should know that i am very stressed up and tired ... i really dunno how to handle things... just cos i keep getting sick , my mum keeps thinking why i keep getting sick .. know i have been a useless boy, and on top of that i am also a gay ... i just really cant handle it anymore , i just really wanna cry out loud but i cant ... i am so use to laugh at things and laught off my sorrow and till now i dunno even know how to cry any more, i am so stress with work and also all my problems and further more the thing i hate the most is already coming soon and i really dont wanna go for it ... i really just hope to just disappear ... all i have in mind now is to end my pitiful life ... i kept thinking of it, cos no matter what , if i live on i will be still the same, i am just a bloody idiot with just luck and dunno anything... like what my mum say, work also cannot , study also cannot, go army also cannot so might as well just stay home and sleep ... i really just wanna sleep ... and if can i wanna sleep for eternity ... and maybe go to the paradise of after life ... i dont wanna disgrace my godma jolin , my god mama dei and also my mum... but what i am is already a disgrsce to my mum and somemore now, we all work in the same company, what i do wrong may also reflect on this too, i dont wan it to happen, i try my best to do things nicely but it just seems that no one appriciate and also trys to find fault with me. everyday i wake up at 7.30 go to work at 9 and end work at 6 every day with out fail i will be attack. i ask people how to do thing, they will show me attitude only but for some nice people they will help me. otherwise they will try to feed me with wrong informations, or worst, what they do wrongly they throw the fault at me. and what can i do ? just quietly accept it and keep it to myself. i am like a stupid punching bag letting people to attack me. i am like so totally down. i feel so down and hoping to tell me mum my problems but sat the end. she din listen to what i wanna say, and she say that i am just lazy and trying to "geng". i dunno how to say. last time she told me why i dont tell her my problems, but i wanna ask is how am i suppose to tell her about my personal problems when she keep attacking me ? and by now she should know i fall sick easily but yet she keep telling me dont "geng" ok... i am like just so bloody upset and yet the rest of the day she keep giving my a bloody attitude and i just accepted it and kept quiet ... i just really dunno why my life is so bitter ... since young i always get bullied in school, i kept to myself, not telling my mum, i get mock in school cos i have no father, and now she say i am like this cos u have no father to teach ... and all i can do is listen and bear with what she say... in front of all my other friend i try to be cheerful and i kept quiet, some i dont even dare to tell them that i am a gay... afraid that i will loose them i just kept quiet. but i know if they ever know about me they will not accept me cos they dislike gays ...
today, it is the worst day of my life ... i tried to bluff myself off things but at the end of the day... facts is always facts that cant be change ... like what some people like to say, once a gay always one ... i am lke ya ... it toook me bout more than 16 years and count to try to accept that i am a gay ,on top of that it took me 16 year and counting to accept that i dont have a father and i have suffer 17 years of mocking and being bullied. and what i do, i just kept to myself without telling my mum ... and when i try to tell her some problems of mine, she starts tp nag at me... and now a days i feel so down and up set ... i dunno how ... anyway take all my friends and readers of my blog ... am kinda upset now so i am going to go and chill myself.... so cya all
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Factual situation:
To work is to work, no one can avoid any responsibility nor hard work. Even the toughest scholar or the oldest employee all start from scratch. What you are experiencing now is only the "tip of the ice berg". For this, you gotta hang-on to it, bite your teeth real tight and experience it. It's not what you should do, but what you shouldn't do, and that's to give up.
Emotional situation:
Maybe you just need someone to talk, share your fears, woes, downs, unhappiness, sorrows, bitterness, etc. From what you wrote (I don't know you long enough to say anything), you must have kept a lot of things to yourself, little details and feelings. It's time to speak up, face it and move on. Past is forever darker, present is forever tougher, future is forever brighter. Let go the dark past, endure the tough present, and hope for a bright future.
Cheers =)
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