hiaz ... last night was a scary night ... was chatting with some of my aj friends ... and suddenly had the urge of going toilet ... not knowing that my mum came home so early i went to the toilet with my msn chat window open and mirc on ... luckily ...my mirc account was minimise and my msn window had no gayish language ... sad i cant really stand this type of life any longer ...CRAPz ... it is only a matter of time which my mum will find out that i am a gay ... hiazz but i dont wan to know thta i am one ... hiazz anyway hopefully and pray that she will not find out ... so after last night ... when even i chat on msn ... i will make sure i close the window if there is any gayish things ... and when i am afk i will minimise my mirc ...
Hiazz ... it is so hard to live a life where i have to do thing in the dark avoid to be seen ... like going out with my boyfriend ... i cant hold his hand nor kiss him unless we are at a stairs or a corner where no one could possibily see us ... when watching movie i can't feed him with pop corns unless we are at the last row ... or snuggle with him ... or hold his hand ... hiazz ... i wonder if i will ever have those guts to do such things ... and the worst part is i never like to go town ... cos i have sslot of relative working in town and further more ... recently i found out that one of my relative is also a aj ... which i am trying to not let him know that i am one too incase he tell my mum or other relative ... SOBZZ SOBZZ why life must be so unfair for us gays ... when the other meaning of gay is merry, cheerful or lighthearted ... and why cant ourr life be like what the word means other than the meaning of homosexual ...
Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
My first posting of this blog~~~
hi everyone i created this blog for fun ... and i guessed u would be wondering why i named this blog as the fallen forbidden one ... well ... in singapore ... we singaporean who like guys also know as gays ... are dislike and hated by other singaporeans ... thought singapore is now very open society but still ... the other will never accept the existance of us gays or bi-sexual ...
I feel kinda down ... and dare not to tell my family nor my friends that i like guys and not gals ... i dont dare to tell my mum that i am a bi-sexual or infact gay ... i have afew boyfriends before and i loved them alot but i was always tempted to intro them to my mum ... but i am afraid she will not accept it and would be very upset ... cos i am the closes to her and she loved me alot ... and so i never tell her that i am a gay ...
I feel happy when i have a boyfriend who loved me and dote me alot ... i go out with him and enjoyed alot but still having lots of pressure ... having to act as though i am a normal guy ... and afraid that my boyfriends friend who dunno that he is a gay, client or his work mates might see us together ... i feel very up set ... when going out with him ... hoping hold his hand and walk on the streets ... hoping to hug and kiss in public ... but it is something that is impossible ... it is so unfair ... thats why i always ask them to come my house when my mum is out ... lock my room door ... spent time with him ... hold his hand kiss him hug him as much as i wan ...
I envy my friends who dare to tell their parents that he is a gay ... i wan to but i will never have the guts to tell my mum that i am a gay cos i dont wan her to be upset and depressed ...i tried to be straight again ... but ... when i try to look at gals ... i have no interest in them ... and they really dont turn me on ... and i think that i rather have a boyfriend rather than a galfriend ... hiaz i really dunno what to do ... feeling up set ... dont dare to go out ... afraid of others knowing that i am a gay ... and i dont wanna lose my friends ... i tried indirectly asking my friend what will they do if they ever fnd out that they have a friend who is a gay ... and this is what they reply " i will disown them ... and FRAGOTS like them should never have any friends" ... i felt so up set but still i still put on a smile ... know that being a gay is not a easy thing ... but still i chose this path ... being a gay is a tought thing as we have to be prepared to be treated ... unfairly ... biasly ... pinpointed ... called names ... and also ... dislike ... now everyday i just hope and pray that non of my friends find out that i am a gay ... than i rezlly hope till the end that they will now .....
I feel kinda down ... and dare not to tell my family nor my friends that i like guys and not gals ... i dont dare to tell my mum that i am a bi-sexual or infact gay ... i have afew boyfriends before and i loved them alot but i was always tempted to intro them to my mum ... but i am afraid she will not accept it and would be very upset ... cos i am the closes to her and she loved me alot ... and so i never tell her that i am a gay ...
I feel happy when i have a boyfriend who loved me and dote me alot ... i go out with him and enjoyed alot but still having lots of pressure ... having to act as though i am a normal guy ... and afraid that my boyfriends friend who dunno that he is a gay, client or his work mates might see us together ... i feel very up set ... when going out with him ... hoping hold his hand and walk on the streets ... hoping to hug and kiss in public ... but it is something that is impossible ... it is so unfair ... thats why i always ask them to come my house when my mum is out ... lock my room door ... spent time with him ... hold his hand kiss him hug him as much as i wan ...
I envy my friends who dare to tell their parents that he is a gay ... i wan to but i will never have the guts to tell my mum that i am a gay cos i dont wan her to be upset and depressed ...i tried to be straight again ... but ... when i try to look at gals ... i have no interest in them ... and they really dont turn me on ... and i think that i rather have a boyfriend rather than a galfriend ... hiaz i really dunno what to do ... feeling up set ... dont dare to go out ... afraid of others knowing that i am a gay ... and i dont wanna lose my friends ... i tried indirectly asking my friend what will they do if they ever fnd out that they have a friend who is a gay ... and this is what they reply " i will disown them ... and FRAGOTS like them should never have any friends" ... i felt so up set but still i still put on a smile ... know that being a gay is not a easy thing ... but still i chose this path ... being a gay is a tought thing as we have to be prepared to be treated ... unfairly ... biasly ... pinpointed ... called names ... and also ... dislike ... now everyday i just hope and pray that non of my friends find out that i am a gay ... than i rezlly hope till the end that they will now .....
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