hiaz ... last night was a scary night ... was chatting with some of my aj friends ... and suddenly had the urge of going toilet ... not knowing that my mum came home so early i went to the toilet with my msn chat window open and mirc on ... luckily ...my mirc account was minimise and my msn window had no gayish language ... sad i cant really stand this type of life any longer ...CRAPz ... it is only a matter of time which my mum will find out that i am a gay ... hiazz but i dont wan to know thta i am one ... hiazz anyway hopefully and pray that she will not find out ... so after last night ... when even i chat on msn ... i will make sure i close the window if there is any gayish things ... and when i am afk i will minimise my mirc ...
Hiazz ... it is so hard to live a life where i have to do thing in the dark avoid to be seen ... like going out with my boyfriend ... i cant hold his hand nor kiss him unless we are at a stairs or a corner where no one could possibily see us ... when watching movie i can't feed him with pop corns unless we are at the last row ... or snuggle with him ... or hold his hand ... hiazz ... i wonder if i will ever have those guts to do such things ... and the worst part is i never like to go town ... cos i have sslot of relative working in town and further more ... recently i found out that one of my relative is also a aj ... which i am trying to not let him know that i am one too incase he tell my mum or other relative ... SOBZZ SOBZZ why life must be so unfair for us gays ... when the other meaning of gay is merry, cheerful or lighthearted ... and why cant ourr life be like what the word means other than the meaning of homosexual ...
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