have choosen the path and told the truth ...

Hi all , well i guess u might have guess what i have dont from what my title of this posting have posted. Well i have told my mum that i am not straingh , thought ithought she would be extreme upset, angry with me and also upset with me she din. All she said was " my darling, try ur best and change, do it for mummy seek." I was like so upset when she said that to me, i was expecting that she would be angry and would yell at me but she din, after telling her for the next few dayds she kept smsing me asking where am i, what i was doing and also have i eaten. So most of the time i will reply her said that i am at home and i am looking for things to do, well all of it is true. But it came to the question if i have eaten i told her that i have no appitide and all she said was darling, u must eat and dont be troubled by what u have told me yesterday. I was like totally so upset and depressed that i literally wanted to breakdown. but ever since my mum know that i am not so straight and also different from my brothers, she was more patient and also gave me more attention, but because of this i am even more upset, but at least one of my greatest problem have been solve but there is more to come. Like for example how am i suppose to tell her i have boyfriends before and also what if i am attach how to tell her ? Thats the part i am kinda troubled with actually, but oh well i will have to use the policy i used to say boat till peir will automatically turn straight.

But anyway till today it have been like 5 to 6 days. My mum is still the same she will sms me and ask me where am i. But i notice the new question that recently pop out after i told her bout my sexuality orientation, and the question is "who are u with ?". But well as time passs sooner or later if i ever get attach again i have to intro my other half to my mum too and i hope she will accept it, further more now she have just accepted that i am a gay, it is already ahuge blow to her. I dont think she can handle it if i told her i have boyfriends. And what if when i tell her i haver boyfriends and she ask how many boyfriends i have before how am i suppose to tell her ? She will be fainting i guess. So for now i think the wisest choice for me now is to keep quiet and lay low and see what will happen. Hope that she will not ask such questions so that i will not have to tell her all about it. Thought i have once told her before that being gay is genectically in built in use. It has been decided that we are gay or not the day we were born. So there is no way we can decide for ourself for that and all we could do is to just act straight and not allow anyone to know we are what we are but only allowing some of our close friend know that we are and our family members know will do. Excluding brothers, sisters and grandparents. Oh well i guess that would be all the things i wanna say bah but i will try to make another posting tomorrow ^^. thanx for reading my bloggy ^^ thanx ~~~ thanx to all my reader love u guys. PLEASE to ake full use of the shout box. leave ur comment there and make some noise hahaha LOVE U GUYS ^^

times running out ... 2 options left ... do or die ...

hiaz... today have been a bad day for me. i literally am feeling kinda down and depressed. not only my family is getting from bad to worst, but i am feeling really really tired of living and carrying on with my life ... now a days i am always alone at home, and the worst part is my mum is never home, except on mondays ... and sometimes saturday we will go out together, there are some things i really do like to tell her like my sexual oreintation, but afraid that she may not be able to accept it, i strive to keep it to myself and act as the child she wanted me to be, a normal boy who would have a gal friend... and than develope it further and start a family but i cant ... cos i really have no feelings for gals, i tried to like gals but it always failed.. and i dont wanna leave any burden behind, i dont wan any other woman to be like my mum, slog hell alot just to bring up 3 useless brothers , and at the end ... elder brothers is a loner who like to bear grudges and dont talk to my mum, second one, once got married got wife ... he would never even remember he have a mum... would only remember her when she has a car to borrow ... and as for me ... unable to be like a normal man to fall in love with a gal and have a family and also not completeing my studies... every night i tried to make myself to go to bed,but no matter how hard i tried not to think of this question it will still always pops out in my mind and haunt me and the question would be "will mummy accept me for who am i ?" and after that i would think of this "what if she dont" ... i just cant keep myself from thinking all the things that will happen to her, i am so scare that she will just be so emotionall down and depressed which i really hope it will not happen, but i really cant tolerate it anymore, and i really wanna confess to her but i just dont dare to ... it is like so hard for me to hide things from her as i never like to hide things from her ... and i am so scare that if i admit and cofess to her that i am a gay, she would disown me which i dont wan ... so i really hope i can make myself to keep it as a secret and never tell it to my mum ...

hiaz... i just really dunno how, just that there is no one i can really talk to share with my problems and my close friends and best friends are all anti gays and i am like so so so upset, there is like totally no one where i can speak to about my problems ... like today ... she came home and i was so happy ... but than my friend asked me to play mahjong and i said ok, so me , my elder bro plus my both friends played mahjong till today morning and after that my friends went home and my brother went to work ... and she started to nag at me ... i like the usual will just listen and if it is some important points i will remember( but most of the time all repeated), but i was kinda sad when she started to give me attitude, i was feeling so upset and thought i know i am a really useless person who dont even know A to Z when i was in K2 and would only know how to count 1 to 10 while the others already knew 1 to 100 ...and now, i am like so useless, everything is like cant do can do, not only i am changing my poly (meaning not completed studies) but also my health is starting to fail me... i know i am really useless but i just really cant help to think of my mum all the time ... i always think of her so frequent and would sms her soethings in the middle of the night,and she would reply me in the morning ... i really love her so much and i dont bear to hide things from her but i really cant imagine the impacto n her if i ever tell her i have a preference for guys, i just really cant imagine...and all i can do now is just saying sorry to her on this blog, while knowing her that she is bad with computer and dunno anything bout blog...

i am really sorry mummy that i am a useless and also good for nothing.. but pls forgive me that i am not a normal guy who will go and like a gal thought i am a bisexual but still i prefer guys far more than gals... i am really sorry mummy i really hope u will accept me for who i am ... LOVE U MUMMY ......

Ur Unfaithful Son

Hmmmmmm~~~ does old flames really do burn again ~~~

hi all it has been sometime before i have up dated my bloggy, oh well today my ex who was my first first bf pm me on a msn, thought last time we were once together, the feeling i have for him and my recent bf was really different, the reason he gave and have left me was because he wanted to cocentrade on his studies and i accepted it but it was kinda painful...

as time pass by, thought we were separated i still have feelings for him , just now when i was chatting to him, he kinda hinted that he wants a patch, and i really dont mind patching back together with him cos i really like him, thought his year is his o levels but still i really liked him alot, and he is the only bf that i have been attach to for the longest, and i really like him alot, but anyway today he wants to meet me up and maybe if things goes well we may be back together again and if i were get back together with him i would be happy hahaha, but still he was afraid to ask me directly cos he was afraid that i may not accept him again, but the fact was that i was waiting for him to ask me to go back to him, cos when i am with him the feeling was so different, everything i felt was kinda perfect. but welll we can say but stillto matter what after a wound recovers there will be still scars left at where the wound is. but oh well, to my feeling the chances for us= to patch back is kinda high but still there is still a low chance where there will be a no ... so we shall see how things goes.

oh well, time have passed so fast and i cant believe it is going to be christmas soon, i have broke up with my bf bout 3 weeks and it seeks to be just yesterday, and u know something i just found out that my the last last bf, he was seeing someone behind my back while he was with me, and all along my guard feeling was correct, oh well, i knew as much when i know him the first time, he always tells me he is busy and so on but where he is after his work ? bugis playing game... what i do i kept quiet, week ends call him to accompany me, what he told mee ? he told me he was busy but after that i found out he is drinking at tanjong pagar at a aj pub i also kept quiet, and whats the best part ? promised to call me everytime also din call i still remain silence, told him to sms me in the mornign when he is up ? did if for the first 2 weeks than after that he din and when i called him and said wah never sms me he said i know u will call me so i din sms, i was like ok but i already saw the end of the relationship was drawing near... oh well, i dont wanna say who is he but u know who i am saying ... cos i have spoken to afew of ur ex and they said the same thing, but anyway let me tell u this, don enter a relationship and start to tell people that u wan him to be loyal to u and also truthful to u while behind his back keep meeting others and also telling lies... and u keep saying u have no money and u kept changeing phone isnt it ironic ? but i mean it is up to u if u wanna do such a thing but u tc , dont forget , aj circle is small and so u dont think u can do things that u like with out letting ur other half know thats is if u are attach now ok ? u should know i am talking bout u bah , the one who stays at jurong west...

oh well i am happy that i am no longer with him hahahaha , anyway thanx for reading my bloggy ^^ thans u guys muacks ~~~ hope u all will visit again hehehe anywya i will post a joke maybe later today so i hope u guys will like it MUACKS and thanx for visiting my bloggy ^^ love u alll and i love u most mummy