xX~The~Fallen~Forbidden~One~Xx

hmmm ....

2011-08-31T13:52:00.002+08:00

hi everyone,

It has been quite some time ever since i updated my bloggy. Since i am on holiday now i thought might as well i will update alittle. Life have changed ever since i have left the SAF. After 2 years of hard "slavery" i am not trying to adept to the life of a human being. It is tough to adept to the change .. but who cares ... i am adepting to it one way or another... oh well since i hve not update my blog so long i though for this time round i would just post something short =D

cya guys around =)

See the end of my NS days.

2011-02-12T09:29:00.001+08:00

A couple of days ago , some one messaged me on my msn and told me " hey dude, you have not update your blog for so long when you gonna update?" i was like laughing all the way because i almost forgot about my blog. Anyway apologies for not updating my blog. Firstly i am in NS and i am rarely have time for myself or my family there for i am really sorry.

But the good news is since my ns is ending soon and i will be going back to studies. I will more time to attend to this blog which i have neglected for so long. I will try my best to update and blog on interesting things that i come across if possible. But knowing me i never like to go town area or so. But still i believe there will be interesting thing lying all over for my to blog about though.

Oh well today is the 10th day of the Lunar New Year. Things till so far for me have been a little pitchy but i guess at the end of the day things will be fine. I am kinda a little pissed off with somethings though.

Recently there are this few guys who like to sms me non sense. One would tell me that he is interested in me , wants me to be his bf and so on. But i felt that his motive were not so innocent. But oh welll i guess just play along would be fun. *Giggle* But i guess this is what gay relation ship is all about. But anyway, Just to hint to that guy, i am seeing someone i really like and we are doing quite fine for now. Hahaha =x

The other guy, keep smsing me saying he is how depressed how upset with some therapy making him look ugly and destroying his body. But when i look at his picture. Everything looks fine to me. I told him everything was fine and he said that i was just trying to make him feel better. And when i said i am serious he said my eye is failing and at the same time he Farked me. WTH you are in a bad mood, i am tell you the facts and you F me. What kinda logic is that ? Lend you a listening ear , share my thoughts and at the end i get farked ?

Hiaz. I dont really get it but sometimes i find people too superficial and at the end they get themselves into trouble. All i can say. Each of us is born with pro and cons. Non of us is perfect. Be happy with what you have and you will be happy forever. Thats all i can say. Oh well. I have to go. I have to bring my granny to my relative place and after that rush for a dinner at chevron. I will try to update my bloggy soon so cya my fellow readers =)

IDiOtIC GuY !

2010-01-24T05:47:00.006+08:00

OH MY God ... Early morning and someone is trying to get on my nerve ... guess what ? this guy by the name of RXXX told someone that i SLEEP AROUND ALOT ! and HE FACK ME BEFORE ! and when i confronted him he told me i am sorry i told him it was typo ! and i was joking only ? WOW ?

U see, such people do exist for the sake LEISURE he will just simply tell tall tales about others that would defame one and when someone confront him for what he have utter, he will just say sorry !!! i was just joking and I have told that person it was typo or rather "type wrong stuff to him" or " talking to another friend" ?AND AFTER THAT HE KEPT APOLOGIZING. IF u guys were to be in my shoe will u guy believe on what he say ? COME ON LA OK ? STUPID PEOPLE ALSO KNOW WHAT U SAID IS JUST A LIE zzz ...

HE CONTINUED TO APOLOGIZE AND ASK FOR FORGIVENESS I even ask him what will u feel if i have done the same thing to u. HE say he will feel baD.. he is not wstupid and he knows how it feels to be in the situation but he did not think of what will happen after he did it ... DUMB right ? He know how to do it to people ... but he never think for people ?

Come on if u guys are in my shoe and this happen to u. Will u even forgive him and keep him as a friend to allow him to even back stab u more ? And this situation is just the same as when u go into a shop and u broke something u have to pay for it. Once damage is done nothing can be done. U can repair but the flaws is always there .

Now guys let me ask u this questions.

- If u were me will u forgive him ?

- Will u wanna have this type of friend ?

- Is he even a friend in a first placE ?

PS - "twink18 (R---) and edward(G---) " - thanx ah ... twink18 ( R - - - ) sorry but i dont think i will forgive u ... take care and enjoy ur life ... i dont need friends like U who fabricate informations and back stab.

Extra information - he stays in novena and his msn is - Ra--_martin--- @ hotmail . com

20th day of happiness~~

2010-01-20T23:52:00.002+08:00

it has been for awhile since i have updated my blog, with NS taking up majority of my time. i can hardly even sit infront of my com and slack and think of what to write on my blog. But since i have a little extra time today. I thought why not post something on my blog.

Today it marks the 20th day of me and my bf together once it passes 12.01 am. We were attached to on the 01 Jan 10 at 12.01 am. Though i am in NS, and he is working we still try to make out time for each other. I am so happy that i have known him.

We began as normal friends and we din even meet before. we chat on line and over the phone. But have never met until afew months later. Oh our first meeting, i was really nervous and excited at the same time. While i waited for him at the bus stop near my place, while my heart was beating so fast that it was as though it was going to pop out.

Things went well on our first meeting and soon it was our second meeting, we went to jurong point on new years eve and after that he came over my place to stay over and spent the new year together. When the clock strike 12 and it was new year ... i ask him will he agree to be my bf.... and he actually agreed. I was so happy at that point in time.

Time pass ... and we are almost together for 3 weeks... i am so happy that he have agreed on becoming on my bf. He was so sweet to even accompany me for my medical appointment.

Guess i have found my Mr Right after so much time have pass. Hope it would be my first longest relationship and my last one. MUACKS love you my dear .

tolerated to the max ... but someone just push the red button...

2009-12-13T00:51:00.002+08:00

all i wanted to do was to keep quiet hoping for that someone to really think of what he did was wrong and apologize. But this person din ... and he did the worst thing ever ... he posted about me on his blog ... and well well welll guess what ? what he type is all what i did but he never type what he did ? cute huh ? his posting was a one sided one and he still have the cheek to ask me to read ? wonderful ... so lets talk about things here .... lets beginning on msn ?

i have afew msn account y ? becos i have alot of friends ... and it just so happen that u are in 3 of them ? i have afew msn account to separate the str8s and the gays .. and i dont wanna mix them up thats all ? lets put it this way ... when one account is at it maximum and i cant add people in any more ... how ? of cos i create a new one right ? i am not sooo heartless as to delete people off my msn ... it is sooo simple if u think i am just creating it for the sake to hide my identity sorry i am not...

next let talk about what we chat on msn ?

On msn i ask what was his name ? and he told me a name ? (in the beginning i take it as a real name and i trusted him ? but soon i find out about his real name ... and he din even initiate to tell me that the name he told me was not his real name) ... it is ok .... we continued the chatting .... and when i ask him to meet ? he say i was a sex manic ??? and i din even mention saying to come my house ... i said lets meet for supper and slack and if it is too late u can stay over if u wanna ... ( see his power of assuming ? ) nvm .... i tolerated cos i believe it is not nice to just shelve them just becos they like to assume things as it is a nature of a human ... so i continued to believe it is alreight but i told him i dont like people to any how assume things ... come on who would like it ?

i admit i knew him from IRC ...but this guy just got worst as mins past after i met him .... we chat on msn and soon i decided to meet him .. so i ask him over to slack chat and know more about each other... he ask me if i stay alone ... and i told him i have my own room ... and i din say i was staying alone ? and i did tell him i was staying with my granny and tenant but they will not be bothered about it. So i met him ...

On our first meeting .... he saw me and i know he was shock cos i i do not look like how i appeared in my pic ... but it is a fact ? come on which person will style their hair just becos of supper and slack further more i just came home from a long day or work ? u will but i will not i am not soooo attention seeking .... but it is ok ... i dont wanna say much ... subsequently we ended up at my place and got into alittle romance chat alitttle and soon we talk about what we wanted from each other ... all i said was care, love and concern .... now guys let me ask u a question ... CONCERN means what ? Look after one and other and help each other right ? but guess what ? his concern is DIG ON UR PAST RELATIONSHIP ... I TOLD MYSELF SAID IT IS OK TO TELL HIM SINCE THERE IS NOTHING TO HIDE ABOUT? BUT THE PART THAT REALLY FLARE ME UP WAS HE FORCEFULLY WANTED TO KNOW THE NAMES OF MY EX AND OTHER INFORMATION ? U WAN PEOPLE TO RESPECT UR PRIVACY BUT U KEEP FORCING ME TO TELL U THE NAME OF MY EX IS IT CALL AS RESPECTING OR OTHERS PRIVACY ?

GUYS KINDLY TELL ME YES OR NO ?
to me it is NO ...now how about another issue a more recent one ...

Last week when we met ... he told me that he wanna go to lady gaga night with his close buddy name "B" i said ok ... since u are going on a Saturday night so i said we meet on friday ... he said ok .... afew days later he called me and said "hubby i am going to "b's" house on friday night ... and when i told him din we agree on meeting that night ? u know what was his reply ? u got tell me meh ?? ( NOW GUYS ... IF U WERE ME HOW WLL U FEEL ? WILL U GET ANGRY ? DO I HAVE THE RIGHT TO EVEN GET ANGRY ?) WHEN EVER I CALL HIM ... HE WILL JUST TALK FOR THE SAKE OF TALKING AND WHEN WE SAY BYE BYE , HE WILL JUST HANG UP WHEN I TELL HIM GOOD NIGHT AND SWEET DREAMS ?? WHEN I TALK TO HIM THINGS ... U CAN HEAR THAT IS IS NOT EVEN PAYING ANY ATTENTION TO WHAT I AM SAYING .... LIKE FOR EXAMPLE THE ISSUE WHERE I TOLD HIM TO MEET ON FRI HE DIN EVEN HEAR IT AT ALL .... SO NOW GUYS TELL ME AM I IN THE WRONG ? SERIOUSLY TELL ME AM I IN THE WRONG ? AND SHOULD HE BE SAYING SORRY IF HE EVEN OVER LOOK IT ?

Now adays he is even more classy .... with all this issue it is obvious that who is in the wrong ... but sad to say ... he dont wanna admit IT and tell me what i wan from him ? isn't it obvious ? and worst he say i am jealous of him to be with "b" LOL ? Wow ? pretty obvious situation but he just point the mistakes at me ? Coool huh ? Now he is just point all the mistake at me and feels that is is sooo perfect ? But seriosly after thinking the issue for so many times i dont feel that i am in any wrong ..... and worst ... i tolerated his non sense again and again and he just take it for granted .... i gave in soooo many times and he say what ? I SHOULD UNDERSTAND HIM ? WOW ?

THE OTHER ISSUE I WANNA COMMENT AND I WILL BOLD IT ... I SMS HIM GOOD MORNINGS AND ALL WE SMS CHAT ? AND IN A DAY WE CAN SMS CHAT FOR LIKE MAYBE 10 PLUS TO 20 SMSES ?HE TOLD ME IT WAS EXPENSIVE I SAID OK ... AND TRY TO REDUCE I SAID OK ... SUBSUQUENTLY WE REDUCE TO 10 PLUS SMS AND HE SAID SMS HIM WHEN IT IS IMPORTANT ONLY ? IF U GUYS WERE TO BE IN MY SHOE ... HOW WILL U FEEL ? FIRSTLY I WILL THINK WHAT AM I TO U ? IT IS OK NVM I TOOK IT JUST AS A "BAD JOKE AND SUCK THINGS UP" I DIN WANNA SAY ANYTHING MUCH ...

Soon he had to attend a training i said ok ... first day of his training i was worried he cant wake up and i sms him ... worried and anxious about things i sms him afew times and finally he replied ... he told me he was late ... and i ask than cant u tell me u are already up ? he told me what ? aiya i was preparing mah no time to reply u ? ( i got angry but i controlled ) and that was the last sms i got from him till later part f the day ... after smsing him soo many times ... and i din even see a word sorry and he told me this ... aiya i doing important things mah and was not free ... i was like WTF WHAT U DOING IS IMPORTANTANT AND U ARE BUSY ... CANT U JUST TELL ME SMS ME LATER ? RATHER THAN LETTING ME GET WORRIED OF WHAT HAPPENED TO U ? ( GUYS TELL ME WHAT DID I DO WRONG ?? )

guys after reading all that has happen ? stunning right that there are such people in this world ? and till now all the facts is pointing that he is in the wrong ? and he still have the cheek to tell me that " TILL NOW U ARE THE ONLY GUY THAT I HAVE TREATED U THE BEST ???????? " WHAT IS HE IMPLYING ?? TELLING PEOPLE THAT U HAVE BEEN ILL TREASTING UR EXs ? LIKE WHAT U HAVE BEEN DOING TO ME ? AND WHAT EVER U DO WRONG I MUST ACCEPT AND THINK IT IS OK ? WOW SORRY MAN BUT I AM NOT LIKE THAT .. WHEN U ARE WRONG I EXPECT U TO LEARN FROM IT SAY SORRY AND NEVER REPEAT IT .... BUT I GUES U CANT DO IT ... U ARE TOO SPOILED ... AND THINK TOOO HIGHLY OF URSELF ... IF U STILL WANNA THINK THAT U ARE IN NO WRONG GO AHEAD .... NOW GUYS PLS COMMENT ON WHO IS IN THE WRONG I REALLY GAVE UP TALKING TO HIM FACTS ... AND ANSWERING TO HIS STUPID QUESTION OF " WHAT U WAN ME TO DO THAN U WILL BE SATISFIED ? " REALLY ALL THE ISSUE ABOVE IT IS PRETTY OBVIOUS RIGHT ? MUST I ELABORATE MORE ? AND TILL TODAY I STILL REMEMBER WHAT HE TOLD ME " U ARE A VERY HARD TO SATISFY GUY ?" WOW ... ASKING ONLY FOR CARE CONCERN AND LOVE VERY HARD MEH ? OR RATHER ARE U JUST FEELING THAT U ARE AT THE LOSING END AND JUST TRYING TO COVER UR LOSES ? I REALLY WONDER ... I AM RTIRED AND I AM OFF TO BED .... WHEN U ARE READY TO APOLOGIZE TELL ME BAH ... NITESSS

14 Days Together and still going stronger

2009-11-07T12:03:00.003+08:00

Today is the 14th day we have been together. I feel excited and happy. Till today my baby and i have been as sweet as ever. Cant stop from thinking of each other every single moment .He maybe a playful and naughty little boyfriend of mine. But still he is the cuties and the sweetest. MUACKS !! Though my baby maybe stubborn but still i love him alot. At times when he knows that he is in the wrong, he will apologize and not give me ill attitudes that i dislike. He is alway treating me so sweet . i am so happy that i have him as a boyfriend. Last week , we went to catch the 3D movie called Caroline( i forgot how to spell it but i think is this way) it was a fantastic show and we both enjoyed it. While watching the show, we just simply cant resist the temptation of holding hands. We held to each other hands from the start of the movie to the end of the movie and definitely love was in the air. What i love about my boyfriend is the pureness in him and cheerful attitude he has and the best thing is you could see that he is real sincere about relationshi and not getting into the relationship just for the sake of one word and that word is non other than SEX. It is kinda hard to find such a boyfriend now. Now a days, the definition of boyfriend is no longer someone you love, care and share every single happy or sad moments together but rather the definition of a boyfriend now a days is all about sex and more sex. Dont you guys agree ?

A very special occasion to remember is the day 25th October 2009,
Moon and stars was shining brightly on that lovely night sky,
On that night was when we first met,
Shy and excited when i first saw you when we both met.

I fell in love with you at first sight.

Looking at you quietly and being nervous was inevitable.
Overcoming my nervousness and shyness.
Violating the law of nature was already bad.
Entering into a forbidden relationship was even worst.

Yet i still decide to be with you.
Overcoming my fear and nervousness with only 1 intention.
Ultimately wishing to be with you.

For once i targeted and intended to make things work.
Overcoming all odds.
Remaining calm.
Eager to know more about you.
Venting all my interest and concentration totally on you.
Eagerly gathered my confidence and bravery at that moment.
Related my feeling to you.

And the final result was, letting me have a lovely Boyfriend like you. I am so lucky. Therefore 25th October 2009 will be the day, where i will forever remember. MUACKS ! I Love You Baby !

Sorry my dear blog readers , i rarely have time to update my blog now .... NS sux and i cant comment on it. But still i will try to update for you guys to read.

LOVE YOU MUMMY AND BABY !!! MUACKS !!

4th Day with my Mister Right

2009-10-29T21:06:00.004+08:00

Hahaha today is the 4th day we are together and it felt greater than ever. We just cant stop thinking of each other and we are looking forward to meet each other tomorrow hahaha !!!

So nice that i can finally get to settle down with someone as perfect as him. But still we still have alot of work to do to drive our relationship deeper.

Oh well we can say that things now are working fine and we both accepted who we are and what we both are and it is a good starting point for the both of us. Further more a relationship dont just work one way rather more of a 2 way thing and from how things are going now. It is going 2 way without any traffic jams. We both aim to develope this relationship more and be together with each other for as long as we can. Thought it may sound as thought it is impossible. But we believe if we both try hard. It will be the way we wanted.

The date that i will remember will be 25 Oct 09. It is the date we first met after chatting to each other for a long long time and on that day we got together and decided to be together. So BABY that date will be a special day for both of us.

It is a pleasure to have u as my bf and i am really lucky to have someone like u to be with me. Thanx for caring and loving me so much and i promise i will love u back as much. I LOVE YOU MY PRECIOUS ONE.

Thanx for reading my blog.
Wish me luck.
I will try to update my blog as frequent as i can hehe !!!
Love u mummy and my little Hubby ~~

YAY MY MR RIGHT HAD APPEAR

2009-10-28T23:38:00.001+08:00

HEHE SORRY GUYS I DONT HAVE MUCH TIME TO UPDATE HERE ~~ BUT I AM REALLY HAPPY THAT MY MR RIGHT HAVE APPEAR ... AND TODAY IS HAS BEEEN 3 DAYS THAT WE ARE TOGETHER HEHEE ~~~ WILL KEEP U GUYS UPDATED ABOUT US HEHE !!! WISH ME GOOD LUCK ~~ LOVE U MY BABY AND MUMMY ~~~

lifes getting pretty lonely ..

2009-10-11T01:09:00.002+08:00

Good day to all my reader ( if there is any), it has been sometime since i have updated my blog. Sorry i cant update it as frequent as i did last time because of my Ns which is taking up alot of my time and also i have been think realyl deeply about things.

Now a days my life is getting really bored. Tried to find someone to settle down but is either not his type or not my type. Otherwise will be just wanna be together just for "sex-sual" pleasure and next moment you will see him going missing. I guess it is like that in the gay circle. To find one that love for who you are and what you are is like searching for a needle in the hay stack.

All i want is someone sweet and really do care for each other and not someone who just wants sex and than disappear. Yes i know everyone need to have sex. But do they need to do it in such extend till they start a relationship just for that ? i dont think so right ? last few times i have dated some people. i told them i am not into just sex, what i want is to find someone who will care for me and who i can care for. One of them after dating me afew times gave up on me. why ? he ask me to have sex with him afew times. but at the end i refused to and end up he just disappear.
the other ? also the same.

I know sex is important and it also shows how much we love one person. But dont u think if everytime we meet and do it. Dont it mean it is like so meaning less?

I agree i would like to have that everytime to express my love. Bu when i think things throught again and again. why sex ? i dont see my mum and dad having sex everyday ? but why us gays ?

All i expect is have a bf, love each other look after each other. Maybe once in a while have sex that is like agreeable . But not like everytime we meet and we have to have sex . sometimes i m really tired about life . really dunno how and why.

Anyway i just really hope to find someone i really love and settle down with. Someone who can make me melt for him and also he melting for me. I dont want a guy who just wanna come and find me have sex chat to me have dinner and next moment going off and i really find it meaningless.

i like a bf who like to travel and who will to come pick me and go out together sometimes. But usually for the start. I will prefer him to travel because i believe if he really love or like you alot he will take the initiative to start.

But from what i can see majority who wanna meet me will fail this round. they will usually say why dont you come over ? And time after time even if i tell them i hate going to town. They will still ask me to go to town ? Funny huh ? i am the type of person who will not anyhow go to peoples place. Usually after we have date for like for a weeks or when we are together for sometime and i feel comfortable. i will go and find him when he ask me to.
Seriously speaking i dont mind to travel. But for the start, i would like him to come over stay at my place a couple oftimes and than i will also go over to stay at his place. But not forgetting that staying at his place may not be a very bright idea.

i know you guys will think why. Let me tell you why. For some of us , our parents may know that we are gay. For my case, my mum do know that i am so it is like less drama around. Secondly if i go stay over and his parents dunno that his son is a gay and suddenly we are hugging and kissing and they enter his room. Imagine the mess i am in and worst he is in. More drama will happen. lets put it this way i am a person who dont mike alot of drama and mess so i would rather my bf to stay at my place occasionally rather than staying over at his occasionally.

Oh well. I dunno. Further more, usually people get the impression that i dont like to go out. Seriously i like to go out. But if you ask me to go out to places i have never gone before i will be really reluctant to go. therefore here comes the part where i prefer him to meet me at places i know a little about and familiar with so that i will not feel uneasy thats all.

Oh well i guess thats all i wanna write about today. Kinda bored .. but cant fall asleep haha.. guess i will just go and game and atch tv. Love you guys and i love you mummy. Muacks !

Saddening day ..

2009-09-16T00:18:00.003+08:00

Today was a normal yet quiet day. Reach home late. wanted to go get a keyboard as my old one was kinda spoil. Proceeded to get one .. and who knows i over spent and someone who care for me alot got upset worring that i dont or never save for a rainy day.
this is how my new keyboard looks like >

I apologized to that person and he was upset.. i know i was too much to over spent thought. i felt terrible and i dont wan the same thing to happen again from now on.Therefore from now on i will control the way i spend again and must not repeat my mistake ... i guess i must really reflect on what i did ... guess i have to take what happen yesterday as a lesson learn ... and i am really sorry for what i have done...

But come to think of it, i was unlucky too as all my things are beginning to spoil ... and one shot alot of my things is spoilling at the same time ... hiaz ...

but anyway, this coming 21st is that someone's birthday and i am thinking of getting something for that person, something i can afford thought . i thought of getting for that person a pen which that person will be able to use everyday. What do u think guys ? Pen or other things ? Give me some idea ok ? pls pls pls thanx alot hehehe ~~

Ok now is really late and i have to wake up at 530 AM ... i guess i better be off to bed already ... Nites all ~~~ love u guy and i love u mummy ~~

Chat box

2009-08-24T18:10:00.002+08:00

Harlo all, how have u guys been. Recently i have found this very interesting little thingy and i have decided to put it on my blog. Hehehe, it acts like a msn and many people can chat there together . Cool right.Hope u guys will use it more frequent ~~ ^^ love u guys ~~

wah la ~~~ ps for super long time never update

2009-08-10T00:23:00.002+08:00

hello dear readers, sorry i din have time to even update my blog cos of stupid national service now i have barely enough sleep too. But anyway. I just thought of something, and i just really wanna share abit.

U see, all of us sure have been in such a situation before where u like someone but that guy just like another person. u try to show ur feeling towards them and show him care and concern. But they treat u as a irritant.

Seriously, i myself get into such situation before. What i did was to try harder but not push over the limits. But still after trying and trying further and it fails i will just tend to give it all up and stop so call wasting my times on a tree that will not bear any fruits even after hard work.

Today i called myself stupid, for what i have done. I like someone knowing it is impossible. After spending so much effort and time and at the end, the guy i kinda like and curious to know about, decided to meet someone else who he met later than me. And worst he decided to even develop a relationship with. Hahahaha.

I am so silly. But i believe it is time for me to give up. Becos as such things keep repeating itself, i have been thinking about things. Even if i could force the thing to happen what is the use ? I am just leaving a chuck of meat beside me while his heart is with someone else. That was why i decided to leave him alone and never to contact him nor delete him from my msn. I even told him if u wan u can sms me or pm me on msn to chat if u wanna. But u can at the end of the day jolly well know that they will never do that.

Thats is why now a days when i am in such situations. i will usually lets thins go the way it is. and do the same thing again and again if it happens. Becos i always tell meself this :

" To really love a person. it dont mean the person have to be with u. To love a person is to see that the person u love is happy, enjoying with who he is with and also well taken care of. "

thats why, whenever such things happen. i will always tell them tc and good luck. cos it is all what i can do and hope for. Is not becos of anything. But is it becos i really love that person and hope he will be happy thats all.

haha guess it si getting late so i am off to bed. I just hope u guys who read this posting will just comment on whether u agree with it or not ^.^ thanx and good nite

AND ONE MORE THING HAPPY NATIONAL DAY !!! Happy 44th Birthday SINGAPORE !!!

BORED lol !!

2009-07-16T00:17:00.002+08:00

Like have been as bored as ever. Time have passed and i have serve 2 months plus of ns ... It sux to a certain extend but i have gave some really nice Boss and upper studies ^^

But since time have passed i notice i have quite a comfortable life and i really like to continue to work with my current bosses and upper studies haha.

Anyway, this monday, LOL i was being send home cos i had a fever of 37.7 lol .. i was send to the medical center and they screen my temperature lol it was 38.2 LOL and i was send home with a 1 week MC haha !!!!!!! funny huh ? but i guess it is to prevent the soread if H1N1 if u have it LOL .. but sad to say i dont have IT hahaha !!! i have fever but no flu so i cant be having it unless u tell me it is possible that i dont have Flu and still can get the SWINE FLU than why is it called as a stupid flu siak !

But anyway i am now trying to count down to my ord LOL which is 1 year and 10 months more LOL still a long way more to go LOL.

Hiaz i am really bored and i dunno what to talk about T^T

anyway yesterday i quarreled with someone regarding the importance of looks. Is it really that important or till a certain extend ? or rather the personalities of one is more important ?

We had a long arguement regarding this matter. But my stand is still, Looks is not the most important thing in this world. Becos no matter how good looking are u but u have a lousy personality no one will still like you. It is as good as a extremely nice vase that can even be use to hold flowers for display. Or rather when u go for a interview, with just ur looks the "boss" will hire u just becos of u looks or ur qualifications and ur experience ?

but oh well i hope u guys who read my blog will comment about it ^^ thanx so pls do leave comments on the shout box ^^ muacks love u guys and i love u mummy !!

Sad, Unhappiness, Moodless. Tried failed and now doubt ... whats next ? Ill treatment ?

2009-07-01T22:03:00.007+08:00

Hiaz, i was actually kinda upset today by what had happen in camp. First, i was ill for a period of time and totally was weak and sick. Thanx to my close friend, when ever i needed him, he will accompany me to the polyclinic to see a doctor and if i am alone and really cant travel i will go to the nearest private clinic to see a doctor. But to my horror, my camp thinks that i am "faking to be ill". I was like omg and so on. But so be it . At the end i really got tired of things and when my last visit to the polyclinic i ask the doctor to prescribe me with Anti Biotics since my flu was like more than 2 weeks and it has cause me unable to sleep. So finally, the following monday i was so so much better though the Flu like symtoms was there i still "forced" myself out of bed and headed to my camp.

Once when i was back in camp i saw my officers and majority of them was kinda nice. I literally felled in loved with my officers and i thought it is ok i will try my best. And try my very best at what ever task i am given. But to my horror. This was what they told me. " From today onwards u are only allowed to report sick at Tuas or Changi otherwise Only Government Structured Hospitals"> Come on man i am staying at bukit Gombak ... the nearest hospital is like 30 mins ride aways from my house ... Isnt that abit too much ? I told myself nvm ... One of my officers is so nice that he now offered to give me a ride to work everyday. I was so happy and all of my officers are nice except for a few, the few is like really few, i was so touched by my few caring officers that even thought this 2 weeks i have force myself to report to work even when i am feeling unwell . But in office i just tried to put on a smile and also acted cheerful as though nothing was happening. I tried my best to tolerate any discomfort, even when there was a few occation when i was feeling very dizzy that i almost fainted i still kept quiet and work with what ever task i was given. I still kept quiet.

But today, i have tolerated more than enough. Even after they give me some very UNREASONABLE guide lines to follow AND i just followed it and kept quiet. The UNREASONABLE guide line was to report sick at only SAF medical center which was located at Tuas or Changi otherwise only Government Stuctured Hospital. Iwas fine with it i give and take. But to my horror, today they said this to me.

" Since u have not been back to the office for a period of time, it is only fair that u be the duty clerk. (i was still fine about it) The task of a duty clerk was to open the office by 8am ,man the office during lunch, draw news papers and open mail box. I was still ok. ( Since i am able to reach the office by 8 am if my officers gave me a ride). but there was a few problems :

1 ) i can never reach the office by 8 am if i were to travel on my own sdince the entire ride from my home to my work place is like more than 2 hours ride.But i told my Chief Clerk that i may not be able to reach the office by 8 if i were to travel by myself by mrt. So i told her if that was the case i can only reach at about 830 am or slightly later she said ok.

2 ) Next was manning the office, Well this part i was ok with it thought since manning of he office was nothing much. All i have to do was to look after the office when my officers was having lunch.So i was still pretty fince with it.

3 ) The other problem i was really quite angry was, when they told me this, they said that i have another option, which was if i was playing PUNK , and i just admit that i was playing PUNK. All those unreasonable guide lines and so call PRIVILEGE will be reinstated and i will have to go though what ever punishment needed. AND I WAS LIKE !@#$%^&* WTH PEOPLE IS LIKE SUFFERING ALL THE WAY AT HOME AND U THINK I AM JUST PLAYING PUNK ?!?!?!??!?

> do u think this was fair to me ?

4 ) the was the last and the final problem that also really pissed me off was that " I HAVE TO DO ALL THIS EXTRA DUTIES TILL ALL THE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IS COMPLETED AND HAVE COME TO A END" meaning ? if the investigation goes on for 1 year i do 1 year extra duties ?

> So at the end they mean is to literally make me suffer, giving my stress which i am already very very stressed and also treatening me to say that if i wanna stop all this UNFAIR TREATMENT I MUST ACTUALLY ADMIT ???? WHEN I DID NOY EVEN LIKE FAKE ?

After all this happened, it was a nice day for me but after lunch, when all this was told to me. My day was totally spoiled, destroyed and ruined. I was totally moody all the way. I controlled my emotion. I almost cired at my upper studies cubicle. But i din i endured all of it till i reached home. I cried for literally 2 hours. I tried my best and this is how i get treated. I EVEN LITERALLY ENDURED WHAT EVER DISCOMFORT JUST TO GO BACK TO CAMP COS I REALLY LOVED MY NEW UNIT.

WHY JUST NORMAL HEALTHY PEOPLE CANT UNDERSTAND US PEOPLE WHO ARE WEAKER IN OUR HEALTH ? JUST BECOS WE KEEP GETTING SICK THAN U JUST TREAT US AS SOME PUNKSTER OR FAKER ? HOW THEY WAN US TO PROOF TO THEM ? LET THEM INVESTIGATE ? THAN AFTER THAT WHEN WE ARE REALLY SICK I NEED TO TRAVEL BACK TO CHANGI REPORT SICK, BUT SOME HOW DURING HALF WAY OF THE TRIP TO CHANGI I KICKED THE BUCKET ??

I am like OMG all the way u know ? I know it is by law for us Singaporean guys to serve National Service. But we are human also u know ? We are born in Singapore as human being NOT SLAVE and further more i dont think i owe ANYONE ANTHING ONLY THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE TROUBLE TO TEACH CARE AND LOVE ME, ENDURED THE PAIN AND LOSE LOTS OF BLOOD TO BORN ME and that person is no one but my mum. What is there for me to repay to the country ? They are not even helping us in anything. Thye just implement the structures and used our money to start the thing moving thats all. I am fine with NS but come on at least treat us like some HUMAN not dog or animal. But what ever it is. I am just gonna keep cool and keep quiet. BUT I REALLY DONT FEEL LIKE CONTINUING ... I JUST REALLY HOPE NOW TO BE WITH MY FATHER ... BUT I ALSO CANT BEAR TO LEAVE MY MOTHER .... I AM SERIOUSLY TIRED .... AND UPSET ... AND THE QUESTION THAT IS STILL LINGRING IN MY HEAD NOW ... IS IT JUST BECOS IT IS A WHAT EVER POLICY AND MAKING IT A COMPULSORY ISSUE AND THEY CAN JUST IMPLY AS AND WHAT THEY LIKE COS THEY ARE WHO THEY ARE ? EVEN WHEN IT IS UNREASONABLE ? FURTHER MORE WITH THE H1N1 THING. IMAGINE IF I AM H1 N1 POSITIVE AND I AM STILL DO NOT KNOW AND I TRAVEL ALL THE WAY TILL I REACH CHANGI THAN I KNOW I AM POSITIVE WITH IT. HOW MANY PERSON AM I GOING TO GET INVOLVED ? THOUSANDS ?

AM I THE ONLY ONE OR ARE THERE PEOPLE WITH THE SAME PROBLEM OUT THERE ? BUT BEING SILENCED ??

SOme fuckers whom i treat him as a friend but treat me as a mere tool !

2009-06-21T05:45:00.004+08:00

Sorry to those who read my blog but today i have reach my bloody limit. I am really pissed off with this guy whom i really treat him as a friend. YES WE ARE GAYS BUT WE ARE NOT BLOODY BITCHES. I tried to meet him out for lunch and he is like asking me to go to places he wanted. Nvm. I mean come on u call me to go to the place u wanted but also must see if i wanna go to the place or not right ? Nvm. Once he was working in clementi, he stays in woodlands and i mean come on we said lets meet for dinner. And u know what he say ?" Hmm lets go woodlands eat." I was like erm. Since u are passing by my area might as well we settle it at my area. Instead of me going to travel and waste my fair righT ? Since it is only dinner why make me travel so far ? and the place he choose so conviently is around his area. Come lor.

Nvm, today i was seeking for some people to chat on sgboy chat room. so some how, i saw he(not knowing it was him) wanna chat so i mean hey come on maybe lets hook up and chat right. So the conversation started as a decent one. as usual we ask each other age, height, weight and race. And hey kinda can click since same age group right ? so i ask hey whats ur msn. So he started to give me his msn. After copying and attempt to add him on my msn, i found out he is already on my msn and he was someone who i wanted to meet in the past but he kinda like those "ai mai ai mai" and give alot of stun those type. All along he is like on the edge of my good list and almost into the black list.

Last week or so, he was kinda feeling down so i thought hey lets chat to him and we chatted for a while. After that i thought just as friend i thought u wanna meet for breakfast since it was like 6 am in the morning. He said nah he wanna sleep cos he was tired. So i was fine with it. So i thought nvm there will be a next time. But in my mind i know this fellow there will not be a next time. So nvm.

But today he is like over board. After i told him who i was and so on i said hey lets chat on msn. U pm me and we chat there . He like din even bother to reply. So i waited and waited and finally i aid nvm. i pm him since he may be busy. But come on, what is more bastard than him. I pm him on msn he is flooding on the sgboy chat room. Nvm i pm him on sgboy chat room and he like din even reply and yet he can spam ! i was like omg. Trying to like find out what happen what i did wrong and so on he dont wanna even reply. And after so long i blew my top u know what he reply me ? this is what he said.

"no la why u say like that ?"
"i din see my msn"
"i am spamming here" ( on sgboy which i also kept asking if he was there )

to tell u the truth he was there ! and yet he ignored me. OMG i ask u guys out there. Is he like treating me as a friends or a tool ? when in need of someone to tlak to he will contat me and when no he will startt to ignore me ? FUCKER RIGHT ??

LET ME TELL U THIS U BLOODY SON OF THE GUN TEO L~F~~ ! I HAVE BEEN TREATING U LIKE A REAL FRIENDS AND WAS REALLY WORRIED ABOUT U AND NOW U WANNA BE LIKE THAT FINE ! GO TO HELL ! IT SHOWS ALOT ABOUT U ! ALL UR BLOODY RELATIONSHIP DIN WORK OUT IS NOT BECAUSE OF UR EX-BOYFRIENDS IS BECAUSE OF UR BLOODY CHARACTER ! GET IT ! GO AND BANG THE BLOODY WALL AND SUCK UR OWN BLOODY DICK ! AND DUMP UR BLOODY BRAIN AWAY !

Sorry to my reader out there that i am so violent here cos i am like really pissed off. I never like to have friends who do that to others. So sorrym, am off to bed ~~~ nite nite all love u guys.

woots stuck at a friends plac and could do nothing

2009-06-12T03:12:00.003+08:00

Today was a normal day ad yet it had a funny night ~ haha

This was what happen. Was hungry so i thought maybe i should go supper with my friend since he ask me to go with him. He was nice and he came and pick me up and he drove me to eat at west coast. The nasi lemak stall there which belong to my friend. o only we ate there but i also met my friend. Hahaha wow iwas surprised that after so long he is still the same as ever. Hahaha LAO HERO. But anyway after the supper we had a short chat. And he suggested that maybe we shold go to his place. Thinking that maybe i should just pay a visit since he ask me to so i said ok and i ask him but later are going to send me home right, he siad ya he will but 5 plus. So i was cool about it. Bt who knows after reachi his place we watch 2 episode of 24 lol ! He was tired and he said he wanna sleep. I was like lol ...... and looking at his mac book i was lost lol, but lucky i had use before so i was not so noobie towards it. But at first he told me to come lie and close my eyes to rest. But the problem is that i am suffering from insomia and i cant sleep. LOL . He kept asking me to lie down close my eyes to rest but the problem i cant cos i dont feel like sleeping or i should say i cant sleep lol. But at the end he was really nice and knew that i cant sleep and allowed me to use his mac book. I was kinda got touched by him as he was nice enought to lend me his mac book. Hahaha guess i gave him a hard time and yet he accomdated me. So sweet of him. Hehehe but i could i see he had never allowed anyone to use his com before. But ayway sometimes it s really nice to have friends like that and also care so much for one and other ^.^

Hahahah but oh well today this posting was posted sing a back boook ^.^ hehehe kindafun thought but i guess alot of mistake so pls bear with it ^.^ Hahahaha but dunno why for some reason the msn keep disconnecting LOL !!!!Bt who care is better than i have nothing to do right ? Oh well good night all hehehe i am now waiting for thi nice guy to wake up at 5 am and send me home hehehe ^.^ So good night and take care everyone, and one more thing the flu thing is on so u guys better take care out there ^.^

sweetsness for life ends but bitterness is always never ending

2009-06-06T17:22:00.003+08:00

Today i am actually kinda moody, it seems like bad thing do come one after another, one of it is ns , than my health got worst. when i thought my life started to spice up alittle cos i found my love one, it started to crumble right before my very eye. Guess destiny for my love life with the guy i like have never been able to substain for long.

Let me share with u my little story that happen to me twice.

I met this guy on a certain chat room, we became friends and met. When we met, we felt that we can be together and slowly we developed it into a relationship, but soon, he was ask to go to malaysia cos his sister found out about him being a gay but not knowing about us being together, and started to brain wash him , though he is a malay mix chinese but he dont abit seems to be a malay to me. In my eye he was an ideal boyfriend to me, sweet , loving and caring. Thought he is in malaysia, he attemp to sms and even tried to call me everyday. It was very expensive but he din mind and he continued to contact me. Finally, he tried to fixed his internet and it succeedm And soon when ever he is free and when his sister is not home he will logo n his msn and try to chat to me and we will like chat and laught at all silly things that he and me can think off. Otherwise i will come up with stuns to make him stun for a moment and after that he will laugh.

Sad to say, soon his sister found out about us being together. His sister told his parents about it. Now, everything seems to be a mess for him in his life. While for me, i am all but just waiting and waiting. Hoping that it was just a mere dream that would be gone when i open my eye. But sad to say it is not a dream but it is reality. Now i guess his parent are already getting on him and already starting to ban him even to step out of his house and also cutting off all forms of contact for him till he get enlisted to ns. Hahaha, guess it is the way it is suppose to be for me in life. Hahaha last time my ex and now my latest date. Hahaha sometimes in life certain jokes are really painful. Lost of a love one, get looked down by people, get bullied, worry about my own health and now time and time again failure to a fruitful relationship. Maybe it is fated for me that nothing is sweet. Even when i was young i have a sad, lonely and bitter childhood. And now when i am already in my twenties it is still the same. I cant really imagine what will happen in the years to come. Hope everything will be fine.

So i guess like what he suggested, maybe it is time to let go and continue with each of our life. But to me i still stick to my moto :
" What we are is who we are, Who we are is what we are. Be it u try to be another person or not. We are born to be like this and this is fate. Destiny has already been arrange for us therefore we cant do anything but to be the follower of the path that have been paved for us"

To the person who i maybe talking about. Take care of urself, thought we may be together for just a short period of time. I guess it is like what u say, time to let things off the dangling string and continue with our life. But when things settle down i hope u will still contact me and still be friends. And for the last time . Take Care and Farewell ^.^ Though i maybe a normal person and not a person of wisdom and knowledge but i hope u guys who are reading this posting will understand to those out there who have the same situation as me and also help them ^.^ So i guess it is all for now ^.^ Bye Bye

alliance ? hostile ? peace ? war ? which is the best out of this 4 ?

2009-05-25T23:25:00.004+08:00

Someone use to tell me this that everyone's life is like a piece of plain paper where u will have to draw and colour it. i do agree with it, but some how , not always the piece of plain paper can be beautifully coloured as some colours cant be match with each other. Same thing are applied when it comes to friendship too. There are some who are just really out to make friends, some is out to prey on others, some are out to be jealous of others because of who they are and what they are, some literally is out to just create chaos and of cos some is just out to be a puppet master who trys to make people into their puppet.

Some how, now adays i notice, when friends always get really close, alot of us will think that we know alot about them, but seriously, i dont think so. but the best part is, some of them u do really know them inside out and yet they still try to deny the fact and try to make themself a very mysterious person, trying to change themself or should i say reform themself into someone else so as to let people never know about their true personality. Some are just literally stubborn, so what can we do, just suck thumb and see how that silly person continue to be a full fledge fool.

There are times where i always have a thought in my mind such as "why do i have friends who are like that ?" and i do question myself further,

1) heavens will ?
2) Just my bloody luck ?
3) testing my patience ?
4) or just a puddle of water which have to pass by ?

i keep asking and asking myself, and today i kinda found out the answer by myself, like i always say in this world there are different kinda people, thats why this world is form. There are always people who go against each other and there are some where they can never be friends ? and in some cases there are some where they do become friends and slowly conflicts starts to happen.

Showing them concern and care is just like a waste of time after the person keep trying to make u agitated and unhappy, but i just let him continue his nonsense, sad to say, the tolerance for such attitude is wearing off, and the best part was he told me to search my soul and think of my attitude and he just cut off the phone, but lets put it this way who should be the one ? that person should know where his stands are as compared to mine. He maybe a bussiness man but in my eyes he is just a over grown person with no realistic attitude. A attitude which minority maybe able to endure but not to the majority. One who dont face reality, running away from reality , grabbing to what he wants but never accept what people see or say, even when we tell him that it is not just piece of rock is piece but it is a piece of unrefine jade. he will still stand on his points and say it is just a piece of rock.

Thats why now a days, i cant really be bothered with him, and feel like i should slowly fade aways and not contact him any further, talking to him without the slightest interest was a volunteering action without even me noticing. Now a days when we speak even the smallest issue we can get into a arguement, so to me whats the use of maintaining a friendship which is already a plate of rotten food. i strive not to give and try to maintain the friendship but my effort is not very effective, and worst he say that i always wanna win and never think of him. but did he do the same thing which he said ? but giving him the benefit of doubt i still take it as thought he was joking but still it is abit too much.

But looking at how things goes naturally for a rabbit and chicken , a rabbit can never be friend with a chicken, as the character of the both clashes. it is just like the water and the fire, where one will try to over rule the other and will never be good friends. one is the element of starting a life while the other is the element which leads to destruction.and without fail one will try to rule against the other naturally.

After thinking again and again over this issue and what have happen in the past few days, even after he and me have been friend for 1 year plus or even more, i believe and thinks that it is time. I guess since he dont wanna face the fact that our friendship is not working very well, and now a days we are starting to get distances as "brothers" i guess it is time. it is not a issue of who is the one who is in the wrong and who is in the right cos each of us have our point of view of the situation. when there is a argument each of use tend to be more unreasonable furthermore now a days the situation got worst. so thats is why i said it is just that our character dont match and cant be friends. since now a days u like to agitate me and want to make thing slimy for us. go ahead. my heart is already dead. as i have told u before, i am not a nice person , i am a guy with a dead heart who can just give and take and forget about everything just like that. and even when u are begging me on ur knees, i will not turn back on my decision and will still stick to my decision. i am a very cold hearted person cos i was trained to be like this since young. So dont say i take for granted for whatever things i have in life. But u should be the one who should not take advantage of the things in life. the quality of life u have as compared to mine u should know who is the more fortunate one. so dont say that i am the one taking things for granted.

So on this memorable date 26th May 2009 with this posting on my blog, i have decided that i think we should not waste anymore time, u take ur path in life and i will take mine, wish u all the best with ur soon to be boyfriend. Enjoy urself and dont get hurt, think twice as hard when u do something. It is time where we should part and never contact each other anymore. Becos i feel that it is better for us to lead our own life and dont make things so complicated anymore. Dont bother to contact me anymore, i feel there is no reason to keep in contact. so good byw my good friend. i wish u happiness and health.

OMG POSTING ORDER OUT AND IT SUX ~

2009-05-12T02:46:00.002+08:00

today is a shocking day for me as today my new camp called me to go and report in tomorrow, but to my horror, they said that my new camp is no different from where i am .... it is stilll located still at changi area, and guess where am i staying ? batok area .., imagine my job is 8 to 5 and every day i have to travel like nobodies bussiness .. u just imagine my goodness. even my platooon commander said it was abit too much. but anyway, it is ok bah since my Platoon commander is trying to change for me my posting, and lucky me i still have 12 more days of mc to allow my asthma to get better.

So i hope by the end of the 12 day, i will get my new posting and it will be like NEAR to my home and now one end to the other end of singapore again. i find it rather stupid that they did such stunning thing, for example my friend who stays at pasir ris, they gave him a posting at Gombak camp which is like so near to me and for me i am given changi one of thecamp there, why cant they just give me the gombak camp and than that guy the changi area camp right ?

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, 2 weeks of enlistment only and i am staying to turn mah .... OMG pls some one help me before i go mad again ~~~ and pls IMG pls pls pls leave me a nice room with the city view, * wonder will i still know whats is outside when i am already mad*. but anyway today when i left my old camp i said good byes to my sgt and platoon commander, if i go back i sure wanna et my platoon sgt number hahaha

Oh well it is getting really late, so i guess i will head to bed and rest tooo tired and my eye are shutting itself , so good night all and love u guys . MUmmy i love u the most~~~ muacks ~~~ love u mummy and a happy mothers day ~

PINK DOT EVENT

2009-05-09T06:26:00.005+08:00

THOUGH THERE IS NOTHING MUCH I CAN DO, THEREFORE I WILL ONLY HELP TO SPREAD ABOUT THE PINK DOT EVENT WHICH IS GOING TO HAPPEN SOON~ FOR PEOPLE OUT THERE BE IT YOU ARE STAIGHT , GAY , LESBIAN OR BI SEXUAL , PLS SUPPORT , THIS EVENT I NOT A PROTEST NOR A PARADE IT IS JUST A SIMPLE CALL OUT TO OPEN MINDED SINGAPOREANS OUT THERE, TO TELL PEOPLE LIKE US THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE IN THE SOCIETY WHO ACCEPT US FOR WHO WE ARE AND WHAT WE ARE ...SO PLEASE DO GO THERE AND SUPPORT ~~

Venue: The field at Hong Lim Park
Date & Time: May 16 (Sat), 4.30pm
What to wear: Pink (caps, hats, glasses, sunglasses and accessories are recommended)

SORRY GUYS THATS ALL I COULD DO ~~~ JY

ahhhhhhhh almost ot admitted to IMH~~~

2009-05-09T05:01:00.007+08:00

Omg... people told me going ns is going to be physically stressed up and also total lost of freedom .... i agree with the lost of freedom part but omg the physiclly stressed up part is kinda true but the worst is the part where we get metally tortured ~~~~ omg ~~~~~ go in on the24 april (friday ) than on the 27 April (monday ) after medical review knna oot .... once the oot thing started ii was the start of mental stress .... omg completely doing nothing ... sit there .... initially we wereallowed to read new papers and soon after "someone" said wha u trerat here as a holiday resort is it and soon we were like statue and staring at each other doing nohing ..... i am like so sick .... and further more the weather thre was causing my asthma to get from bad to worst ..... anyway when i say the mo he said i needed to get a appointment to see the asthma doctor and lucky i went to see and i found out that it was kinda serious ...

hiaz well going to ns has it pros and con ....... the pros are as followed ~~~

Pros :
1 ) see all kinds of people
2 ) have alot of free stuff
3 ) free food
4 ) lots of free things
5 ) cheap hair cut
6 ) make new friends
7 ) learn that going into tekong is a stressful things for straight guys but a "paradise" for us LoL
8 ) nice scenes~~~~
( hahhaa my bunk is like a resort to me cos i can see air planes landing and taking off from my bed )

the cos are as followed ~~~

Cons :
1 ) waste alot of time
2 ) kenna treated like not a human
3 ) hear alot of vulgarities
4 ) no freedoms
5 ) always get confused by who to listen to ...
6 ) alot of idiots who like to spoil markets and keep trying to chao keng ...
7 ) lose contact with main land
8 ) book out only reach main land will totally bcome mountain tortise

Lol anyway, when we were in there we were told that we are not allowed to say anything negative or blog anything negative about SAF so i guess what i siad is not considered as negative and it will not spoil SAF name i guess ( as the reputation of SAF out there is kinda bad liao ). Any way when i was in there for 1 week , i notice i have very nice superiors and there were alot of nice people around ^.^ lucky me ~~~ anyway ns is kinda fun in some way and also bad in some ways , but who cares, my moto is to remember the happiness and forget the unhappiness, but for me when i go in i suffered alot cos the effort i spent to control for my asthma have totally gone down to the drain due to the weather there, i spent 2 years controlling it and at the end of the day it got worst after i got enlisted for 3 days, so i guess i have to start from scratch again ....

anyway iwas really shock when i attended my appointment on the 4th of may at a government hospital, i collected my medicines for 2 month and it cost me SGD 600 plus ~~~~ omg lucky i was on the plan by the goverment where my medicine was all on 50 % off the original cost and on top of that it is paid by my "BOSS" via the universal credit card (11 b ) lol ! anyway,when i was in tekong, i as lucky to have the best OC , PC , storeman m clerk and DIs~~~ hahaha from what i list you should know the whole company dont really like who huh hahaha ~~~~~ but anyway, i wish all my buddies and all my company line people all the best an jia you in all what u guys do and have a grand POC haha guys jy ~~~ as for me i guess i will be down pes ~~~ and than i will not be going back for recourse i hope cos of my medical lol !!!!!!!!!! but the thing that i will never forget in tekong will be my company line , my PCs ~~ OC ~~ DIs ~~ OOTS buddies ~~ storeman ~~ clerk ~~ company buddies ~~ and of cos my bunk mates hahaha ~~~

Anyway , i will miss all my buddies and my company line people ~~~ i wish everyone in my company line ~~~ good luck ~~~ all thebest ~~~ may the goddess of war Athena , a greek goddess well known for her strong character and wisdom, be with u so u can conquer every hardship u face with wisdom and confidence. but of cos when the goddness of war is there her best companion the goddessof victory , nike will be there too ... so my buddies jy ~~~ !

time is getting limited ad the air is also getting thinner

2009-04-07T06:37:00.002+08:00

Soon , it is time for me to lose my freedom and face my worst night mare, something where everyone have to go through. something i dislike and never wanted but i guess i have no choicebut to go unless my life is ended efore i could even join "it".

but anyway what i worried most is my mum, grandma my sweety. this are the important things i am worried about hahaha, other tha that nothing else. but i relly still can understand why it is compulsory. hiaz, anyway i really wish and hope that it will wuickly get pass and gone with it i dont wanna suffer the pressure and lose of freedom. as the get lesser my fear grew more, i am like so worried and up set, and yet nooneever understands me, i am so upset but no one could even tell. haha guess it is my face that is foolng people i guess.

hiaz i wanna go rrest liao so have a good day to all my bloggy reader and love u guys

GUYS AND GAYS OUT THERE BEWARE !!

2009-03-13T02:12:00.003+08:00

today my posting is about a disgusting guy who called me bro when i dont even treat him as one. he is like a idiot asnd he thought i am a fool, my good ness i only know him at the beginning of 2008 and he say that i knowhim for 4 years ! PUI ! it is so unlucky of me to have such disgusting friend ! anyway this person i called kenneth and i wanna tell u what happen afew days ag, what he dod to my 2 friends. so please read on.

Afew days ago, my friend named A (will ot state his name)met this guy by the name of kenneth. than this guy by the name of kenneth made the worst things ever. after meeting him he told that i would go for the orgy party he organise on the 16 to 18 may. But in fact i din even promise or even said i am going. after hearing about it i confronted him on msn in a mass conversation and he said that i would eventually go, and i said nope i will not means will not . i am like totally pissed off. after i left the conversation and he pmed me trying to be nice and called me bro and so on. i told him no, i am ot ur bro and i dont like people to just know that i am goign and at theend i am not there.and i dont lik people to p ut words in my mouth. after scolding him, he told my friend A that i am a i like to play with people body and i dont care about him. haha i feel like u are the one righT ? and further more when he meet me and when i meet u, he dont seems to be scare of me but he is scare of u. So please la ok ? i dont disturb u and dont step on my tail dot come and step on mine for nothing.

After afew days later, this kenneth met up with anothe of myfriend. Name B, my friend Named B went to his house, and u know what ? this was what happen, typed personally by named B himself:

I WENT TO KEN HOUSE TO TALK ABT THE CHaLET
*THEN HE OFF THE LIGHT SAY WANT TO TRY ON A BLINDFOLD ON ME
*THEN HE TIE SO TIGHT
*THEN HE USE HIS BELT TIE MY HaNDS BEHIND MY BACK
*SAY WAN TRY IF THE BELT IS A GOOD TIE-ING THING
*THEN ASK ME SIT DOWN
*ON THE BED
*I CANT SEE OR DO ANYTHING
*HE PULL DOWN MY JEANS AND SAT ON ME
*CUM ON HIS DICK AND PUT ON MY LIPS
*ITS DAMN DISGUSTIONG
*FORCING ME TO DAO THINGS WICH I DID NOT EXPECT WOULD HaPPEN
*DO*
*UNDERSTAND NOW
*I SCREAM TO HIM TO STOP
*THEN HE PUT HIS HaND TO COVER MY MOUTH

see what he did, isnt itdisgusting ?!?!? my goodness pls la ok i din even do such things. and behind my back u told people i am a flirt ? a PAEDOPHILE ? now whose the one being a paedophle ?!!?? my goodness i dont scare people u are the one who scare people ok ?

Now people whoread my blog, u may take my advice or not is up tou, since now this person have gone over board i feel it is time for e to warn u guys ok. he told my friend Named A this:

say that if Named B going to chalet he were eat away Named B

and he told me this thing if Named B going to the chalet then he were use something that very strong to let Named B smell it then he were love to have s e x with other people and he were f u c k Named B

My goodness, now people out there u will all be the one to judge, is he even a human being worth to be trusted ? believed ? or even called a friend ? this KENNETH only like to lie and than smear ur name if he have to just to get someone on his side. Now come on if u are really a nice person u will have friends naturally do u need to do such low things ? am i right ? so pls guys, this fellow is having a orgy party on the 16 to the 18 of may at Hometeam Ns club. will u wanna go after what he had done to this to people ? i fact this guy is a PAEDOPHILE so beware of him ~~

His name is Kenneth he is a malaysian and he stays in Bukit Panjang his msn is kennethcyc@hotmail and his hp numbers starts with 9103 XXXX so guys pls beware of him and dont be a prey for his cheap thrill cos he is asking for alot of trouble not from people like us but the government.

what have past have past, what have been done have been done,what should be gone , should forever be gone

2009-02-26T03:05:00.002+08:00

Oh well, thought things that have been happening have been cleared up, but it seems to have a mist covering everything, making thing impossible to be seen clearly. each of us now is like a king, holding to his fort while unwillingly letting people to enter his fort even if they are alliance. As each of us have totally lost trust in each other. As time pass by this trust shall be regain, but the time taken will be much longer, thought now i have no trust doe my allince but i will still believe them in some ways.

I hope that time shall guilde as through this hardship and let mistake be corrected through this period of time. If not, the alliance shall just crumble and the trust will be totally gone.

Oh well, people comment that my posting is alwayts long, but come one f i have short posting, what much is there to read about right ? but anyway thought people who read this posting may not understand what it means, but read closer and understand whats is beyond it and u will get what i mean ^^anyway u guys rest well and tc hehe it is time for me to turn in ~~ i am tired ~~~ orar ~~~ so thanx for reading ~~~ lvoe u guys muacks ~~~

The last and the final time i am gonna repeat this~~

2009-02-22T10:43:00.002+08:00

Whoever u are who i am saying about u should know. this is my last and final "HINTING" to u. Stop whatever u are doing, cos i am not gonna forgive u anymore if u wanna continue. I have said once and i am going to say this the last time. Enought is enought. Losing a friend like u is totally nothing at all. Cos i would rather lose a friend like u than to let people know that i have such a disgraceful friend. If it was not for ur childishness and foolishness we would have been great friends, but it seems like u wanna continue on so i am fine with it.

Guys who read my blog, why dont u all be the guys to come and see whose in the wrong or should i have the right to get angry with this particular person or not, I meet whoever i want and go out with whoever i want, is it related to this person ? am i of any harm to this person ?is it i meeet a guy u will lose a piece of meat or a part or ur body ? is it right for "IT" to dig into my personal life when i din even do that to him ? is it really right to do that? Dont u think u are abit too much ? U guys who read my blog, pls be the person to judge and pls comment on my shout box, i am reaching my limit and i am about to blow my top and i have the thought of stomping to this particular persons house and confront him. I cant be bother anymore, cos this person i trying to take my kindness and respect as just a joke.But sad to say this, "Once bitten, Twice shy" ok ? No more means no more. AND I AM REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT IT.

Anyway i just wanted to post this thats all cos i am really out of moood today, so pls whoever i am "HINTING". This is the last and the final, and mark my words. I MEAN IT NOW. I let u have a chance but u take it for granted and still thought that i am joking. Treated me as a paper tiger it is ok.But I am saying this again and for the final time. STOP WHATEVER NON SENSE U ARE DOING. ok ? i take u as a friend so i tell u and hint u. but when there comes a point when i say it, it means it is the end and i really i mean it is the end END and this is my final hinting. So hope u are thinking wise enought and stop what u are doing, now no one is gonna help u, cos u totally made a wrong move in what u are doing now.

Anywa, love u guys who read my blog and read whats is happening now and what i am getting fed up about. Thanx for reading and PLS KINDLY COMMENT IT IN MY SHOUT BOX PLS~~~~ THANX (^o^)

Time has come ... for the final confrontation ... it is either nor or never

2009-02-16T05:14:00.003+08:00

I just thought it is time for me to say some things.Thats why i took the trouble to come here to post it thought it is already 5 am in the morning, but anyway all i wanna say is this. Being a human being and go around toying with other human being is wrong. Once someone trust u and u play with others trust is just as bad too, because at the end of the process u will just create another traitor. If u are going to continue,it inventually just cause our friendship to just turn sour.

One person who always do bad thing will get their retribution one day, and whatever u do, there are sure to be someone watching u.Be it is human or spritual. But when u are too engross with playing u will just unintentionally show people what u are doing. Though at the beginning whatever is happening is just as u plan but at the end now u are losing the control of the situation making u restless. One we were friend, and just because of jealousy, ill intention and also to proof of ur existance u did all this. Yes, u did prove u exist but sad to say u proof ur existance neither a friends nor a human. But a devil with a rotten heart.

There are ways to proof ur own existance and to proof ur own existance there is no short cut to it. U can be a human being but people can treat u as just a normal object. But with ur own expression and speciality naturally born in. It u make u unique and outstanding which will attract thier attention. But not to do such things and to attract thier attention. Because at the end of the day, u proof ur own existance as just moron and let be people dislike u thats all and worst u will be treated as air.

So let the things end and past. Dont continue playing such games already. Now the matter is already bad at where it is but still can be manage. But if u wanna continue to play such games on, at the end of the day the person who will suffer the most is not us but u who is the game master and making u lose all ur friends.

Now the situation is like u are trapped in a cave with 2 sleeping tiger at the entrance of the cave. where u can just sneak off with out risking anything. But if u wanna just make more mistake and wake the tiger up to kill u. Let it be ur choice. But rememer one thing, good friend dont always come around easily. To me, to lose a ill mannered friend is better than to lose more friend in the furture. Therefor to whoever u are. U know i am talking about u.It is time to give up already. No use to continue playing such childish games and admit u are in the wrong thats all.

Sorry my friends who are reading my bloggy, but i have to post this posting to just warn my this friend. But i do take friends really seriously, when they have problem i will help but once u use me once as a tool. U will know what i will do already. But first and fore most i love all of u. But pls dont ever do things till i have to give up the friendship that we have. Cause when i am serious about the situation. i am really serious about it. Thats why i say, "What have to be done> MUst be done even if it there is blood to be shed or worst death "

HAHAH never see my serious and get angry before ? Just an advice ^^ dont it is not gonna be pleasant ^^ Anyway thanx for reading my bloggy and hope u will continue to do so ^^ love u guy and i love u mummy ^^ MUACKS~

It is time for the fallen one to be awaken ~

2009-02-14T17:24:00.002+08:00

Well time having been passing like nobodies bussiness, as time pass there are a group of people who are jealous of u, felt inferior to u or just trying to step u under their feet. Recently, there are people who have been releasing fake rumours of me hahaha ! but oh well i cant really be bothered but as time passes again and again, it came clearer and clearer of whats happening, but all i have to say is, time for u to give up and just remain silence or u will just get the worst part of it in ur life. Like i say, i may just be keep low and making friends all along, but if u wanna make me wake up and bring u down i will, those rumours that u spread are so facinating but it have make me really enjoyed it but the fact is that it is not true but still it facinates me well.

I always believe one thing, it takes a weakling to do such thing so that they feel that they are really in power but the thing they dunno is that, alot of people are laughting at his stupidity of what he is doing, here is something for u :

" Those who goes around telling tale about others are the once who will be the laughting stalk of the issue. As what older generation like to say each person who do things with their heart and soul that have no ill intention will be granted help and will not be punish but those who go and do things to spike someone will suffer the most painful and harshest punishment in life, thats why they say "Lets the very skies that over see us be the eyes and let the very ground that we step on be the ears". Dont think what u say people dunno. "

But any way times have past and a few of my friends have told me about the rumours and have questioned me if it is true but i have ask them to ask themself have i dont such things or not hahaha ! But anyway I cant really be bothered bout wwhats happening or being spread around as those who knows me i believe they will clarify things out for me cos they know i am not such a person ^^ and those who have done that thanx alot hehe u are always my treasured friends. But liek i like to say spread whats real and not fake. OH YA MOST IMPORTANT HAPPY VALENTINE TO EVERYONE OUT THERE ^^

a good tv series that i watch ~~~ it is based on a true story ...

2009-02-11T16:13:00.004+08:00

Title of the T.V series : 1 Litre of Tears

The story begins as Aya prepares for the new semester. Despite being happy, she suffers from slight physical problems, which only her mother seems to notice. However, one day, she falls unconsciously on the floor. After she is sent to the hospital, she is shortly diagnosed with the disease. Despite the fact that she is diagnosed with the terminal illness, she does not lose the will to survive.
She still makes friends with others, including her first love, Yuji. She later develops an interest in Haruto. Although somewhat cold, Haruto was still kind to her. Meanwhile, her health continues to deteriorate. Knowing that she will not survive for long, she returns the gift Haruto has given, who discovers the fact when he reads the love letter that Aya gave him.
Aya Kitō proved her courage and positive attitude towards an uncertain future when suffering such an illness, Spinocerebellar Ataxia. The drama spans a decade, during which she graduates from school while her conditions worsen.

This drama starts right before Aya is confronted with the illness, Spinocerebellar Degeneration, in which the nerve cells of areas necessary for the human body to move and balance – including the cerebellum, brain stem, and spinal cord – transform and eventually disappear.
Ikeuchi Aya (Sawajiri Erika), a 15 year old girl, is the eldest daughter in a normal Japanese family. She lives with her reliable mother, Shioka, who works as a nutritionist, her father, Mizuo, the wacky owner of a tofu shop, her quiet younger brother, Hiroki, and two younger sisters, the sarcastic Ako and innocent Rika.

The entire storey is real touching, as i watch i started to tear and i thought might as well i post it on my blog and share with others. This 15 year old girl is sure to be someone where we all must learn from, even knowing that she will eventually die, she sacrificed so much things from her own life. From someone she loved to her favourite hobbies and also her friends. thought she lost all her friends she still had her family, a caring doctor and also someone dear to her. as she strive harder to live on, there were more obsticles for her. it begin with her lossing her balance unconciously, not long after she walks slower and slower, followed by problem swallowing water or food. though after been through so much pain, she still persist to live on and keep a dairy of what happen and how she felt everyday as advice from the doctor . not long she was not able to totally walk , followed by speak. even all this happen she still persist to write on her dairy and finally when she passed away at the of 25 years old. She died experiencing the true cruelty of the disease, the slowly encroaching moment of death. Thanx to her perserverence we were able to know how people with the similiar illness felt and suffer. this sweet person's last wish before she died was to die surrounded by flower.

This is a sure must watch tv series so go and watch it. thought she is just 15, but she have alot of positive and must learn attitude. just because u know u are going to die, dontgive up on living, it is the same as when u break up with someone dont just stand there cos u can waste all the time u wan there but time itself will just continue to move on without caring whether u are still pondering over a cup of spilled milk. we sure must learn from these strong young girl's attitude where we face everything with out giving up even if there is a wall infront of us we must try to climb it no matter what because if u just stand there and shout for help u are just gonna make things worst thats all ^^

So after watching this tv series i have learn alot of things and i feel that, she she can go throught al lthis stuff i can too ^^ just like my father did who suffered from 2 years of cancer and left this word. the other thing i learn is that life is really fragile. our like is just like a egg on a table.just a little vibration and we will just roll and hit the ground. therefore we must live everyday to the fullest and enjoy it before u regret it ^^ oh well hope u guys will go watch it and the song that are playing now as u read is from there too^^ dont cry too much am not gonna pay for ur tissue oor toilet paper ^^ love u guys especially my mummy ^^

wow people who have nothing to do and wanna go around spreading fake rumours ...

2009-02-04T15:24:00.004+08:00

recently, i heard of some people have nothing to do and keep spreading fake rumours about me cheating him, just because he cant be with me he start to go around spreading fake rumours tsk tsk tsk such people are pathetic tsk tsk. but i cant really be bother since they wanna spread such fake rumours go ahead lor as long as i know i did not do anything. Come on, dont tell people what i did, but in fact i did not do anything, how bout u tell what u did ? huh ? how bout that ? and let people judge ? huh ? come on to be sarcastic look urself in the mirror than ask if people will cheat u hahaha !

thought u were a nice person but at the end u are just another double headed snake ... thought u were a nice guy but infact just another bad apple ... pls to whoever the person is, wanna say say the real stuff dont make up story and a lop sided story but dont forget ok ... make sure it is real than u spread dont go around to tell tall tales and also remember what u did before u go and tell other what i did ok ? e.g take peoples dick pic without asking is it acceptable ? i go out with my god ma and mama u wanna control is it correct ? ok since u wanna say i treat u as a object ok lor i say it as u wan me to lor so is it wrong ? huh ? and come on la if i wanna play with u, will i meet u a second time ? u must be joking right ? lol but anyway what have pass have pass and to whoever the person is helping this person here to spread rumour learn about the truth before u go tell others about it because at the end u will be bearing the responsibility not me ok ? all story have 2 sides, one is the truth and the other is to make someone happy by adding spices and salt so that u can win the other person temporarily because knowing the fact that u will lose. lets put it this way let it go and lose with glory dont go and continue and lose with disgrace and get dishonor. Come on how old already still act as if u are a small kid hahaha ! tsk tsk tsk

anyway to my friends out there new year going to end ler lol !!! hows ur ang bao collection hahaha !!!! this year mine is kinda bad so little .... it is slightly less than a hundred hope u guys are better than me haha anyway love u guys and tc ^^

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR ~

2009-01-27T03:03:00.002+08:00

hello everyone ~~~ today is the first day of the year of the Ox. yup the Ox ~~~ so i wish every one a happy and prosperous new year ~~~~

first day of the chinese new year is such a boring day, last night i din have a reunion dinner, today only visited my grandma and than went home haha well got used to it since every year is like that. anyway today when i was on my way to my grandma house, i saw2 person at 2 different place which when i see i was like OMG ! one of them is this teenage guy when i see the way he was dressed, i was like OMG !!!! imagine a tanned lean guy bout 170 in height wearing pink tee shirt , pink skinnys ,pink belt , pink bag , pink glasses and pink ear studs !!!!!!!! i was like OMG !!!!! and it is obviously a guy cos only guy have adam's apple right ? and the second guy, also a teenager ... i think he is bout 170 too but plum ... wearing a bright red skinnys revesaling his butt crack ... with a lime green top !!!! i felt so gross bout it.... i was think "are younger people now adays so scary ? than in afew years down are they going to wear swimming trunks and swim suit on the street ?" oh well thats something that spoil my day .

today, i got really pissed off by someone, i dont wanna say who but i tell u he is getting on my nerve as time pass , i just wonder why is he so childish zzzz.... anyway i am very pissedwith him .. he say he wanna love me wanna look after me but we are not even attach to each other and he wanna bother who i go out with, i go out with my mum he also ask i go out with my god ma also bother ... i told him i go out with friends he will starting questioning me.... i am like omg if i am fully attached to him i sure die one zzzz but anyway today i told him off and i told him never to contact me any more ... but for ur information to whoever that person i am talking about , when i am attached i am loyal to my bf and my bf alone and i will belong to him only .. and i dont sleep around ok ? but whatever happens my mum is the most important person of all ok ? thats all

geez chinese new year day 2 and my mood is already so bad !!!!!!!!!! arghh i go chat to my friends on msn and mirc ler cya all any comments leave it at the shout box ^^

first chinese and english posting

2009-01-24T05:44:00.005+08:00

thanx to this web site where it helps me to translate english to chinese i can finally post something where the chinese educated and the english educated can read ^^ sorry if there is some error with the chinese translation cos my english is not really strong ^^

由于这个网站，可以帮助我把英语译成汉语我最后的东西后的中文教育和英文教育可以阅读^ ^抱歉，如果有一些错误的中文翻译产地来源证我的英语不是非常强大^ ^

our mother is the world most important person, you must treasure your mother never like no other, love her like you never love anyone before, be it you are married or not, because you can remarry for another wife but once your mother is gone she is forever gone and you can never find another mother

我们的母亲是世界上最重要的人，你一定要珍惜你的母亲从来没有像其他，爱她爱你一样从来没有任何人面前，无论你是已婚或没有，因为你可以为另一个妻子再婚，但一旦你母亲走了，她永远过去了，你永远无法找到其他母亲.

we have only one mother, without her there will not be us, once she is gone , we cant find just anyone to replace her so lets appreciate her when she is around with us lets take care of her forgive for her mistake and accept for who she is. as we are her bone flesh.

我们只有一个母亲，没有她就不会有我们，一旦她已经一去不复返了，我们不能找到任何一个人来取代她，以便让欣赏她时，她是与我们周围可以照顾她原谅她的错误，并接受了谁她是。因为我们是她的骨肉

Thanks all for now i am kinda tired i will continue tonight muacks love u guys and i love u the most mummy =D good night all and good morning at the same time..

OMG this is the song the one and only song

2009-01-23T04:56:00.002+08:00

hi guys... it have been awhile before i have updated my blog ... today while i was watch money i came across this song... and went to youtube and found it. when i hear it, my tears started to roll down and i cried and i started to think of the past ...

this song is so touching, it reminds me of when my father was around where i was a small little boy who have a complete family till the age 5 ... when my father pass away because he was gravely ill ....

this is the one and only song which gravely made me think back of the time when i was so young and was showered with love... whenever my family go out, my mum will hold me on the left hand and my father will hold my right hand ... but after my father pass away my family fell apart ... and totally my family became nothing , till today i love my mum alot and she is the one and only woman i will love so much ... dunno whether or not i will get married but still i will love my mum the most ... my friends envy me because when i told them that my mum knows that i am a gay and yet she did not scold me but just told me to try and change with a smile ... i also felt that i am lucky to have a great mum who will support me no matter what ... thats why i love her the most ... till today, my family is still broken, my mum trying he best to make ends meet, my elder bro not bothering about anything and my second brother with a wife who is like OMG ( dont want to soil my mouth ) i sure miss the time when we were young where we go out in a complete family, where everyone will smile. but now, the family is like a piece of mirror , broken and useless. why cant my bros be more thoughtful, why cant they think that mummy is also in a hardship ? yes she may gamble off but dont u think it is reasonable ? now she knows it is her mistake and she is trying to change dont u think we should give her a chance ? when we are young she look after us, we give her money or let her take our money got wrong ? i dont think it is wrong... yes i may not work but still i have never take alot of money from her ... i know i am useless and soemore i am a gay, but you 2 who are elder and more capable help mum ? mummy is suffering, dont u think it is time you should forgive mummy and help her ? we are a family after all , we should help her i dont want our family to be broken any further, do u know mummy is really hurt till she dont wanna come home ? partially it is me cos i know she is upset about me being a gay, but also she is hurt and upset because of u guys ... all along i have been keeping it as a secret, last time when mummy needed money , i gave her money , how i get so much money ? i gambled and won and i gave her, i try my best and give her what ever she wants but i know mummy is a heavy spender but still no matter what i will still give what she wants if i have the money. but kor kors, if u ever come across my this blog and find out that i am a gay, dont go blame on mummy, mummy have nothing to do with it, it is my own choice and i chose it on my own. so PLEASE i really beg u all forgive mummy ... she have suffered enought, far enought i dont wanna see mummy to collapse .. if that happen it is too late ler ... mummy have sufffered long enought far enought it is time for her to enjoy ... dont forget when we were young , we all did alot of wrong things and mummy forgive us.. why cant we forgive mummy ? i already forgive her and i know she is trying her best to change ... so i beg u all to forgive her ...

she may look strong but i know she is sad when ever she see a couple outside holding hand ... i know she felt hurt but dont worry mummy i will be here for you, forever and ever . what i am worried most now is my mum ... when i am going for ns who will look after her ? what if something happen to me ? who will look after her ? she is the one and only most important thing to me ... i love her the most ... i hope that all the gods will protect my mum and look over her for her wellness and health pls ... i beg all the gods pls do so ...

mummy sorry that i am a gay, and i am sorry for what i have done in the past ... i love you mummy ... i will always be there for you whenever i can, though you may not be at home but everyday i am thinking of you ... thought papa have left this world earlier but i will still be there to love u and care for you ... i love u mummy please rest well and take care of your health~~~~ i know u dunno anything bout blog but i will leave ur initials ( Y.M ) here so at least u know that it is me, your unfaithful son ...

interesting logic by a person called myself =p

2009-01-10T09:54:00.001+08:00

wat comes around goes around, what turns still have to turn , what have to come sure have to come, but when time to die ^^ u ownself go die first i die later =p

Count down for a new year have passed and now preparing for a count down for the Lunar new year ~~~~

2009-01-10T01:52:00.002+08:00

hello everyone~~

happy new year ~~~ and soon happy lunar new year ~~~~ it has been sometimes i have updated my bloggy cause was kinda busy ^^ but oh well soon it is gonna be time for the big occasion and my 22th birthday i am like so happy but also kinda sad, my army letter is gonna come soon and i can feel the vipes of it thought is is strong but i cant really tell when it is gonna come. Anyway dont say bout it ler, thought it is kinda sad but there is no way for me to avoid it i guess, but mark my words am not gonna ber a government doggy. so now lets ignore the painful andd sad feeling about the ns thingy and look forward to the lunar new years. ^^ well 16 more days and the lunar new year is coming, though it is kinda of a bad year but come on lets celebrate it and hope that after the festive season it would make a 180 degree change.

anyway recently i have been thinking throught bout things, i feel that thought things are kinda hard to do in life but if we try and give it our best shot it is gonna work out just fine. though it maybe tough but we can still make it cos we humans can do anything we want as long as we strive hard for it and work for the target we plot ourself. though plotting the target tooooo high may also make things hard for us. like people like to say, reach for the skys if u casnt reach for the stars. but the higher u climb the more it hurts when u fall. well it is realistic and a facts is always a facts. though it is wat i always tell myself but in the past sometimes i try to avoid it and making myself happy by illusinating and dreaming, but now when i have reach my current age, i felt that it is kinda silly of me to think like this cos what ever is to happen will happen, be it big or small it will happen. like us human, starts with just a sperm and ovary and slowly develope into a baby taking 9 months long and later we are been delivered. We slowly aged and learn things along the way every minutes and second. soon when it is time for use to leave this world and go to a better place we will just pass on.

it is a normal process of life, thought i am kinda upset bout the ns thingy but i thing i have no choice bout it. i guess there is somethings we have to surrender in life in order to exchange for our own freedoms. just like our parents, when i was young i always think that making a child is kinda easy, but wrecently when i think back, imagine how much they have to sacrifice just to give birth to us, not only the money but also the times and many other factors. thought i really have to admit i really let my parents down because i am a gay first of all and than also i am a total failure to them. thats why i have been trying my very best to patch up whatever it is and make my mum and my pass on dad happy. though i have told my mum about me being a gay and i was prepared for the worst where she would disown me and throw me out. but at the end, she accpeted me for being a gay smiling at me and told me that she really hope that i would try to change back for her sake. i told her i will try though. knowing that she is deeply hurt and upset makes me feel very down because she din even show any expression that she was sad but she smiled at me instead.

oh well, no matter what i am not gonna give up on myself and also what ever is gonna happen ^^ thought life is like always up and down but i believe i can get through it. my godma bao zhu is so cute and also not a normal lady, she could see the gods and reads people fortunes , though she knows that i am a gay she still accepted me. but when i told her bout my worries she say that i need not worry because someday i will become someone with a very good life and also very rich, i was like you must be joking right but oh well i just accepted it with a smile. but somethings she say bout me is really true. like the part she say, no one knows whether i am sad or not because i never show it on my face, and when i am upset i will just smile things off. outside i dont think of things but when i am at home alone lock up in my own room i tend to think of alot of things. so i guess i really hope what she say is gonna be true.

oh well it is getting late, so i guess i am gonna go off and slack haha .... u guys out there be it u are my friend or not, take care and enjoy ur lifes with ur dear once, each person only lives once and experiences everything once, each have only 1 mum and 1 dad so treasure them much no matter how they treat u or hate u but still we have to love them ^^ thought we are gays and already being dislike by the public but we are still humans. dont care bout what people call us and be strong ^^ tc all my friends ^^ love u guys. LOVE U MUMMY and MY DEAR

OMG last day of 2008 end of the surprising year and maybe a start of another scary year ? and getting pissed off ???

2008-12-31T14:06:00.003+08:00

OMg today is the worst day of my life ... yesterday i chatted to this guy on the net and i ask him to chat on msn and i ask him what was his msn since my msn was having some problems ... and he ask me whats ur msn i add u instead, so i told him my msn was having some problem and he told me scare what msn only mah ... i was like so freaking boiled up hao mah ... if u say it is just a bloody msn than u give me urs right ? so after he gave me his msn i was ok lor we chat on msn ... he say wanna meet mah ... so since it was kinda of a boring day i say i dont mind meeting lor ... than he say he dont have a hp number ... so i thought maybe he really dont have one so i said it is ok u come to my block than u call me, so i gave him my number than i ask him why u dont have a hp he say long story than he say meet me than tell me ... after that when i ask him what time, he told me he cannot make it today ... i was like wtf ... so i thought nvm lor. than he suggested to meet today morning i say ok, than isay how to contact u ... HE SAID TO LEAVE HIM OFFLINE MESSENGES so i say ok ... and when i was sleeping last night, he pmed me but i was asleep how to reply right ? so this morning when i woke up i saw his messenge and i replied him lor. it was like 4 plus in the morning and he was offline mah so i left him offline messenge lor ... than i was out for breakfast and when i was back home it was bnout 9plus ... he was not even online hao ma ... and later when he was online bout 1 plus he threw the blame on me for not confirming that we were meeting today i was like OMG la !!! than i ask him u know how to tell me to leave u offline messenge than u dunno how to leave ONLINE messenge !!! i was like so mad and he keep saying alot of stupid reason which made me even more mad hao ma OMG la ! and the more he said those reason the more i get madder and madder !!

but anyway i dont wanna spoil my mood roar !!! *already spoiled dont wan it to be spoiled further* but i hate guys like this !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! roar !!!!!!!! really hate !!!!!!!!! oh well another boggey added to my boggey list ....

anyway today is the last day of year 2008 and after tonight it is a beginning of a brand new year 2009 hahah so lets welcome the new year with open arms and let what have happened in 2008 be it happy or sad be our sweetest memories or lesson learned ~~~~ hahaha hope that everyones new year resolution come true !!!!! haha and mine is to wish to everyone find their mr right and spent the rest of thier life with their mr right forever and ever till the world come to the end and also for my mum to prosper and be happy ~~~~~ ^.^ and that includs me toooo !!!!! hope my mr right will accept me and be with me ~~~~~ love u all ~~~~ and tc ~~~~~~ hehe

time to think of the hating years ahead

2008-12-05T03:53:00.002+08:00

hahaha thought i am happy for my jie jie and kor kor but iam kinda feeling down... my death time is coming and nearing ... bu oh well kinda tired think bout it and going o enjoy my life other fullest for now =3 anyway last night i played mapel with friends so fun hahaha but kinda angry with the gm F5 hahahaha but oh well was happy and contented haha but oh well pass ler pass ler maybe going with friends again tomorrow =3

woot today was on mirc chatting again and i chatted to someone stayingat bukitpanjang and he say he knows a sotong( which is me ) he said that there was a rumour about me which was that i will say people on the main if anything goes wrong in the private chat haha well no way to say that it is not me but i will say yes i will do that but of cos i dont do it any how if the person were to be super rude, any how spread fake rumours and also idiotic i will do la otherwise i will not lul wasting time lor but oh well .... let it be haha moreover i am ahapy g lucky person =3

hiz time pased so fastandiam kinda bored with my back ground of sakura and lee shaoran so i changed it to this pic haha ist it nice =3 i like i alot kinda so mystical and beautiful =3 but h wellhopeu guys like my new back grund and congratulatonsto my jie jielinda ad ko kor andy =3 grates on ur first child ^.^ and to m friends out tere hat knows that i am a g@y i thats for still being my friends thought iknow it is kinda hrd t accept that i am bu u guys still acceptd me tnx alot love gys alot ^.^ adof cos mummy thanx for accepting who i am keke love u the most ~~~~ anbd thanx for reading my bloggy !!!!!!!!

CONGRATULATION TO LINDA JIE JIE AND ANDY KOR KOR FOR THEIR NEW BORN ^.^

2008-12-03T19:40:00.004+08:00

woots hahaha, finally my maple jie lined and maple kor andy gave both to thier first child ^.^ congratulations !!!! hahaha so nice to have created a little life to this wondeful world ^.^ ps bout the late congratulations hahaha kekeke but oh well congratulations to u both ^.^ and kor baby too young to learn call u papa la hahahaha ^.^ anyway wish u guys a happy family kekeke

DARIUS KOR WHEN U HAVEING ONE HUH !?!?!? KEKEKEKE must jiao you wor kekeke hehe rush in to congrates them nia going to rest not feeling very well kekeke ^^ oh well than for reading my bloggy and thanx alot ^^ love u uys and my mummys =3

bored bored and bored ~~~~

2008-11-30T01:29:00.003+08:00

hahha it have been a week since i have stop working hahaha and soon i have to look for another job but my knees are still acheig =( sian .... but anyway hahaha for th pass 1 week i have been resting alot hehehe and i am still getting flu as usual =) hehehe and also this few time i have fallen in love wth a straight guy hiaz ... why of all must be a straight hahaha oh well it is kinda sweet thought hehehe today he came and sleep over at my place woots so nice hahaha all i know he looks so sweet when he is asleep haha oh well hehe anyway he is a nice guy and also his family back ground is bout the same as me just that je is worst than me =( hehe i really hope i could be a important person to him and also one who support him alot hehe he have really nice character thught to ay the truth hehehe thats why i like him =3 oh well see how things goes lor =3 anyway now a days after i stop work and relax awhile i feel kinda mre relax and less stress =) and i am so happy and when at my free time i think of the pass few month i have suffered in my old working place haha kinda nice but stress and somemore got a B!tch there hahaha i love my da jie jie and my bro haha but i stil have to go cos it is really bad for me and my health is failing lor. so it is also good that i take this few weeks to nurture it and make it better and find a job hehehe oh well .... think i am going to relax and play game ^^ hehehe so i will stop here and continue the next time round =3 hehe love all my bloggy reader and aso my mummy =3 and thanx for reading my bloggy hehehehe thanx and take care everyone ^^ the moon is shining brightly tonight it is nice for us to hold the hand of our otherhalf and stroll in the moon light with the glittering stars ^^

yaya out of hellway and into the fallen realm of darkness

2008-11-24T00:58:00.003+08:00

hahaha yay i quited my job... was really stress and tired.... i have tolersated for 2 whole months and fially i am out of the hell way ... such a relieve.... thought it is a relieve for me but my mum seems to be unhappy ... i tried all ways to apologized to her but she just put on a smile and treated as nothing happen ... sorry mummy that i have let u down again ... hiaz ... i cant seems to get things right dunno why thought i have tried and gave it all my best shot ... hiaz but also my health is also giving up ... keep getting sick ... dunno why hiaz .... even my knee is giving up ... walk too long and i will have blue blacks on my knee hiaz ... guess getting old ler hahaha... i feel so tired ... but i think i will be looking for a new job soon hehehe i hope to find one that is near me tooo so can go out with my mummy and rest heheheh and need not traveling alot and squeezsing the trains with people when going to work and coming back to work ... i hate it when going home at night my goodness the smell of man hood and sights of babarians .... my goodness u can se people keep forcing their way into the trains withot even caring if people in there fall down u know lol .... i hate it lor but at least i lasted for 2 months ... and finally i have lefty the place ...

thought i have left the palce i will still remmeber my good da jie and my close friend sean hahaha ... and also no least my nice lady boss aunty ann ~~~~ sweet lady hehehe who said i have a soya milk , soft bean curd and a tao pok under her hahaha !!! and guess which i am ??? soya milk LOL !!! cops kenna whack what ever also nothing left hahaha i agree but sorry la my health fail me ... trying to tune it but still lousy lol ... imagine birdnest should be good for us ~~~ but for me ~~~ the equation is > birdnest + me = asthma LOL ~~~ see la how bout chicken essence ? chicken essence + me = head ache and nose bleed =.=" sway right ? hahaha xD but oh well guess i am fated to be like that bah hahaha xD

haha so bored dunno what to do now ... guess iam going to slack abit than shower than maple hahah xD kinda bored lor LOL ok la i go ler uguys take care but hor visit the few links i have added kinda nice youtube video hahaha thought cute guys cant sing high pitch ? see the links and u will know thst there is some cute guys with powerful voices that are more scary than gals ~~~

tired and sick .....

2008-11-10T01:45:00.004+08:00

haix time pass so fast and my health is getting weaker hiaz ..... recently after i fainted i have been getting flus and body ache hiaz so sian .... and further more as time past my day of death is limited i really wanna be a free soul instead of one haunting a place. hiaz so sick and tired i really hope to really leave and be free from what ever that is to happen ... i wanna be with my other half and spent the rest of the life in a peaceful and relaxing place where i can provide everything my mum wan and live a comfortable life... but such things seems to be so distanced.

oh well stop talking bout freedom and all. ok let talk bout what happen last few days. last few days i ended my friendship with a person(no longer friend so call as person), he is one person i felt kinda gross as time pass by. i know he have feelings for me and time and again i hinted him it is impossible for us to be together. and when ever he hinted me that he wanna be with me i hinted back that we are impossible and i told him dont think tooo much but time and again he is like so possessive over me. which i dont like cos in the first place he is not even anyone to me as i only treat him as a kor. time and again i told him and yet he just ingnore and escapes from reality. and the worst part is. i told him i hinted him, he told me he dunno that i hinted him, oh come on u know how to hint people and u dunno how to take hints ? further more it is like so obvious de hinting lor ... but i told him afew days ago i felt that we are not even working out as friends and so i say lets call it a day. he like so bloody childish. imagine, last few days he is like asking me to forgive him, and yesterday he told me this in his first sms and i din reply, " now that everything is clear already, you dont have to worry that you will send the wrong messenge again what. our friendship has come thus far. cant u ust forgive on account of the friendship we have ?" and the second sms which pissed me off, this is what he smsed me " anyway, you send wrong messenge i also cannot accept already. i am attached( to a gal that is)". u see how childish is his sms ? u believe ? last few days smsing me to forgive him and now he say he is attach ? even my ex say grow up lor .... i feel that he is like super childish ... pls lor ok go grow up la hor. i really cant be bother with such people. and the worst part is he dont even understand the simple sentence " pls do not sms or call me" cos he kept calling me again and again and smsed me which i am like so bloody irritated. and the worst part is that he told me can i spare him 10 mins yesterday, and the worst part he was waiting for me under my block which i am like wth. i wanna go buy things, hahah but i was doign work so i stay home and did till bout 7 plus and i fell asleep aand i woke up bout 12 plus and went to buy food to eat hahaha. but anyway. i am going to tell him the last and the final time on my blog.

TO WHOEVER I AM SAYING ABOUT, PLS DO NOT CONTACT ME ANYMORE AND I REALLY DONT WANNA SEE U OR WANNA TALK TO U AGAIN. U ARE GETTING ON MY NERVE, AND I HAVE TOLD U BEFORE WHEN I TELL SOMEONE VERY DIRECTLY IT MEANS IT IS THE END.

"A MAN LEAVES A BATTLE GROUND WITH GLORY AND DIES WITH GLORY "
"A MAN LIVES WITH PRIDE TILL THE DAY THEY DIE"
"A MAN WILL NEVER TURN BACK ON HIS DICISIONS"

so i really wanna tell u this, cheers to the end of our friendship, good bye to the time we had, cherish ur memories and its the end of our friendship ~

CHEERS ~~

hahaha OMG so late liao i better go sleep thought i am sick but i still wanna rest and maybe struggle to work hahaha ~~~ gooood night to all my readers and friends, love u alot mummy muacks !!!!!!

ROAR !!!!!! THIS SONG ROCKS ~~~~

2008-11-05T21:14:00.004+08:00

hahaha hi all =) like the new song ? it is introduced to me by a friend =) hahaha rocks right ? believe it or not this cute fellow is singing it all, other than the gals voice in the ground hahaha !!! nice right ? hope u all will like it ^^ enjoy ^^

time to move on with a tired life....

2008-10-30T02:47:00.004+08:00

hi to all my bloggy reader, haha sorry that i have no time to pose new stuff cos i am really busy with work and now adays my health is getting from bad to worsdt. especially my knee ... hiaz, i am not a sporty person but my knee is already CMI (short for for cannot make it). oh well guess it is fated hahaha. well 1 month 1 week have pass working at my new working place. well it is kinda nice and time flies but still i am really tired cos there is alot of back stabbers in my company especially there is afew snakes around who will try to push all the faults to me. but at least all i know is, if i do my things properly, there is no way people will do thing to get me into trouble. but at least i am proud that those invoice i did, non of the company call back to complain >.<

hiaz, now a days i am so tired, dont even have time to relax and update my bloggy. i manage to fnd a time now cos i just showered and letting my hair dry hehe, furthermore was on M.C and i have slept alot hehe so ya can sleep lesser hehehe.anyway working life is kinda tought and also study is kinda tought tooo just that the toughtness is in a different way hehehe. i really hope my life would be nice and peaceful but soon my path in life has come to a cliff that i dont wish to go ahead but have bbeen force to fall into the cliff. NS ... it is a word that i head alot where the government treat us "citizen" unhumanly and treat us like dogs . i always ask myself what have the government do for us that we must serve the country ? have they feed us ? look after us ? and when we need help have the goverment do so ? i am always asking such questions myself and also to some friends and all the same ... we counld not find the answer and the reason to serve ns... i think it is really a waste of time ... and also it is kinda unfair ... and further more going to ns is something i really dont like ... why should i go ? tell me 10 gooooood reason why i must go ? why must we be "own" by "someone" and be treated as mere "chess pieces" on a "chessboard"? and why must we be "dogs" to "someone" when they are not even providing us with proper "foods" ? why must we be "chess pieces" to people who dont even appear infont of us and let us do all the "fine clean jobs" ? all they know to do when we "dogs die" is give our parents "gifts" but they cant be even bothered to care bout the feelings of our parents. but i really cant understand why dont they be in our shoe ? and think ? why cant it be a self volenteery thingy but a compulsory ? if they feel that not making it compulsory alot of people will not join than they have to think of a way to make it attractive enought so that people will join and not make people to join with force... furthermore "a person can bring the horse to the river but it can never make it drink the water" at the end of the day, they dont train loyal "dogs" but only make more hatred, and further more that "some people" should think why alot of people is leaving singapore, for me i will leave singapore too cos i dont wan my next generation to suffer too. anyway now adays people say going ns is like a charlet. but mind me, people thinks it is a charlet is because they see only whats there when they are there but not things that are there when they are not there. they say the "dog training center" is serving very good food, ya of cos when the parents around of cos there is nice food but a couple of days later u see what kinda food u get. and also u notice one thing ? why does the "dog training center" dont allow camera phone ? cos they scare that some "dogs" will take video of what is happen inside and than put on the net and let people see what is happening inside. cos there is somethings, that only "dogs" inside the "dog training center" will see, will feel, will suffer but outside people cant. i personally feel that that " somebody" should do something about it. cos i personally feel that. if someone is to force someone to do something, the result of that something will not be nice but infact it will arouse something to happen.

like that day, it was deepavali (forgot how to spell). i went to my godma place with my mum, my god pa and my other godma, not long after we arrive my other godma's husbands friends(a old pair of couple) came and tried to mix with my god pa and they started to talk about all kinda things, than they started to about ns. i just act as thought nothing happen. but the part i really cannot stand is that old cocks wife. she said this " ai ya ns now a days is like going chalet. they serve such good breakfast. they pay 4 dollars for breakfast, 8 dollar for lunch and 8 dollar for dinner. they so goodlife. " at that point in time i wanted to rebark her. but i just kept my cool and walk away. i wanted to rebark her this. "aunty, u gal or boy ? u young or old ? u been to ns ? no right ? so STFU and dont talk big ! cos in the first place u dont have the bloody dick and secondly u are a farking old ah ma so shut up and dont talk big." i was like so bloody pissed that i wanted to spit on her. old ladies like her should die faster since they only know how to talk and no action, i guess she is the type "kong liao lan pa song" than when her own son go in she will call and call and ask how are u got kenna ill treat or not those type. she is the type who say for the sake of saying without feeling bout the others feeling. i reallly really wanna spit on her lor !!! roar should have did that... *regret that i din do it* tsk tsk tsk but old people like them will never understand us. before going in i already feel so stress. imagine when u are in it u will feel even more stress. and some of us really cannot take it till we get depression and some will even try to end thier own life. i already cannt take it and i really dont like such things. further more, i have really told myself i wanna enjoy my life for the next few month and let thing be as it is. but i am telling u all one thing i am not going to be let treated as a dog. if things really is not right i will tell them off. be it u are a stupid "dog trainer" or "dog training center manager" i will still not care. cos i believe every human have his or her own right. but i feel that it is really unfair for us. why must there be conscription ? tell me y ? i dont understand it lor if u really wanna have a army, than make it in a way that u will go and attract the citizen of the country to join and the best part in doing that is that u will have a loyal group of "dogs" that u can play with and toy around with. i am a person who dont like to be own by "someone" who have no blood relation with me and further more what have that "someone" did for use ? other than HELPING us spent our money ? u tell me ? anyway am really tired so am going to head for bed ^.^ any comments just shout it at my shout box ^.^ so take care all ^.^

i am just too tired to live on and carry on ....

2008-10-16T14:52:00.003+08:00

by reading my title u should know that i am very stressed up and tired ... i really dunno how to handle things... just cos i keep getting sick , my mum keeps thinking why i keep getting sick .. know i have been a useless boy, and on top of that i am also a gay ... i just really cant handle it anymore , i just really wanna cry out loud but i cant ... i am so use to laugh at things and laught off my sorrow and till now i dunno even know how to cry any more, i am so stress with work and also all my problems and further more the thing i hate the most is already coming soon and i really dont wanna go for it ... i really just hope to just disappear ... all i have in mind now is to end my pitiful life ... i kept thinking of it, cos no matter what , if i live on i will be still the same, i am just a bloody idiot with just luck and dunno anything... like what my mum say, work also cannot , study also cannot, go army also cannot so might as well just stay home and sleep ... i really just wanna sleep ... and if can i wanna sleep for eternity ... and maybe go to the paradise of after life ... i dont wanna disgrace my godma jolin , my god mama dei and also my mum... but what i am is already a disgrsce to my mum and somemore now, we all work in the same company, what i do wrong may also reflect on this too, i dont wan it to happen, i try my best to do things nicely but it just seems that no one appriciate and also trys to find fault with me. everyday i wake up at 7.30 go to work at 9 and end work at 6 every day with out fail i will be attack. i ask people how to do thing, they will show me attitude only but for some nice people they will help me. otherwise they will try to feed me with wrong informations, or worst, what they do wrongly they throw the fault at me. and what can i do ? just quietly accept it and keep it to myself. i am like a stupid punching bag letting people to attack me. i am like so totally down. i feel so down and hoping to tell me mum my problems but sat the end. she din listen to what i wanna say, and she say that i am just lazy and trying to "geng". i dunno how to say. last time she told me why i dont tell her my problems, but i wanna ask is how am i suppose to tell her about my personal problems when she keep attacking me ? and by now she should know i fall sick easily but yet she keep telling me dont "geng" ok... i am like just so bloody upset and yet the rest of the day she keep giving my a bloody attitude and i just accepted it and kept quiet ... i just really dunno why my life is so bitter ... since young i always get bullied in school, i kept to myself, not telling my mum, i get mock in school cos i have no father, and now she say i am like this cos u have no father to teach ... and all i can do is listen and bear with what she say... in front of all my other friend i try to be cheerful and i kept quiet, some i dont even dare to tell them that i am a gay... afraid that i will loose them i just kept quiet. but i know if they ever know about me they will not accept me cos they dislike gays ...

today, it is the worst day of my life ... i tried to bluff myself off things but at the end of the day... facts is always facts that cant be change ... like what some people like to say, once a gay always one ... i am lke ya ... it toook me bout more than 16 years and count to try to accept that i am a gay ,on top of that it took me 16 year and counting to accept that i dont have a father and i have suffer 17 years of mocking and being bullied. and what i do, i just kept to myself without telling my mum ... and when i try to tell her some problems of mine, she starts tp nag at me... and now a days i feel so down and up set ... i dunno how ... anyway take all my friends and readers of my blog ... am kinda upset now so i am going to go and chill myself.... so cya all

time comes and goes and yet so bored ~~~~

2008-10-09T01:04:00.004+08:00

hello all ^^ i guess u all must be asking why is my title time comes and goes and yet so bored . anyway, the reason i used such a title is because i feel that time is passing by so fast ~~~ and it seems to be sipping throught bit by bit as i type this posting. but oh well time cannot be stop. everyone will have to reach 50 some day thought hehhe . so i guess i will still leave on to my moto ^^ happy also one day, sad also one day, cry also one day, so might as well be happy and smile all the way ^^. thought it is easy to say, but it ishard to do such a thing but i have try haha and well it worked ^^

anyway, afew days ago, i quarreled with my mum and now we are fine ^^ and she is like more and more concern about me ^^ thought we quarreled and din wanna speak to each other we still at the end smsed each other and chat ^^ hahaha like what people say, all mothers are the same thought they are angry with us but at the end they still love us and have a softy spot for us and we are the same too hehehe at the end will still give in to them. but anyway, my mum is my only parent left so i guess it is only right to listen to her, be with her, surpport her and spent time with her ^^ further mor, my mum now knows that i am a gay she accepted it thought she told me that she is sad cos i am a gay and she tells me to try to change and of cos i will try to change but still i tried so many time and i cant ^^ but still, i some how still prefer guys over girls, i feel that to be with a guy is better than to be with a gal cos, just somehow guys are sometimes sweeter and also will help each other more cos it is a guys natural character to be stronger and supportive ^^ and a guy who i love supporting me and me supporting a guy i love is what i really wish for ^^

anyway now i am working now, and in my offce i am the only guy in my department and they think that i am a nomal guy hehehe, and i really hope they dont ask me this, where is ur girlfriend, cos if they ask i really dunno what to say, am i going to say oh i am a gay and i only like guys or am i just going to tell another lie. but lets put it this way, if i tell people i am a gay, they will start to avoid me and pinpoint me and if i tell them a lie i have to tell many lie to cover a lie hiazz... which i really dont wanna. but it seems that i have no choice but to tell a lie and cover it with many other lies which it is going to mak it into a big fat lump of lies.but well, i guess the big fat lump of lie is better rthan to tell the truth, cos i dont wanna let my mum to be a laughting stock and also not to disgrace her. further more we are working in the same company so i guess it is best that it is kept a secret about my sexuality. but i just wonder, if one day my working colleague finds out that i am a gay, what will happen ... will my working life be worst ? or will be the same peaceful and full of laughter ? hiazz but i guess it is best that i keep it a secret even till the day i leave my company. Oh well guess it is tme for me to hit the hay. kinda late ler and also my hair is already dried so i guess i wll go sleep bah ^^ so nites all and have a good night sleep ^^ will try to update my bloggy asap ~~~ cos working so lesser time to update my blog hahha ^^ OYASUMI NAHSAI ~~~~ good night, sweet dreams and sleep tight ^^ bye bye ~~~~

ANGRY ~ ANGrier ~~~ angriest

2008-10-06T09:05:00.003+08:00

argh !!! i am so angry with my mother ... i was told to do some eclaim on short notice, and it was like so unfair to me ... T-T just cos i dont wanna let my mummy down and also not to give trouble to her friend i rush the stupid e claim for her.... than now i am sick and my mummy nag at me T-T where is justice !!!! not fair to me ... here was what happen.

as usual every friday for people who work is a happy day, so at night my friend ask me to play mahjong and of cos i agreed, so we play mahjong on friday night till saturday morning, and on that friday night my mama jolin told me she is going to drop thee claim thingy on friday night in my letter box without even telling me that the dead line was on sunday which was the 5th september and so hearing that i quickly called my brother and ask him if he open the letter box, and he told me well if there is any letter i will put it on ur bed and i dont even have the letter box key, and wth i went home that night it was not on my bed and he was not home and so i played mahjong, that night while playing mahjong, i game a game with 13 wonders and my friends and bro was shock. after that i went to meet my mummy and her friends to go pray. and of cos it was a wonderful day till my mama jolin tells me that the e claim dead end is tomorrow ~~ i was like WTH ... and i was already not feeling very well since friday morning ... and i just kept quiet, and once my mum heard that she than gave me a copy of the letter box key !!!! i was like wth, so no choice, i had to go home and open the letter box andthan do the e claim, and when i saw the e claim i wws like WTF so many how to finish, so no choice sine the time i got home i did the claim till the next morning and than i had a short sleep and i woke up and continue doing it. without doing anything i did all the e claims and finally at SUNDAY NIGHT 10 plus i finish every thing and i pass it to mama jolin and at that moment i am like having migrains and also having a little gastric ... i went dow nto buy my dinner ate my dinner and i feel so sick ... thw whole night i could niot sleep, and this morning i called my mum my mum gave me bloody attitue i was like eth, just cos dont wanna let her be in a bad position i got attitude for her and i got sick just becos of that !! T-T so unfair to me sob sob. why must i always get into this type of idiotic situations ... so unfair to me !!! i wanna cry but cant cry ..... why she like that de ..... but i felt it was very noble of her accepting that i am a gay and also showered me with more love and attention but i dont understand what i am doign is becos of her ... oif i know she was like that than bloody hgell i am not going to rush the eclaims for her !!!!!!! it is like so unfair to me !

hmmmm ~~~ busy and tired yet cant stop what iam doing ...

2008-10-01T07:46:00.003+08:00

hiaz, from reading my title u should know i have just start to work, so tired, everyda wake p at 7.30 am thansower leave home head to work at redhill, than 6 p leave office and go home ... so tired, but i kinda ike the job, thought what i do is to ensre that everything matches and thn relax haha, i like this kinda job, i hate those going around and move up and down ...

haha thought i like th work but it is kinda tired, but anyway back to the issue where i told y mummy that i dont like girls, she accepted it and i told my god kor kor and his gal frien , my gan mei mei and a close friend of mine and they were like i see and than that trigger me thinking have they already expected to be like this or not... thought i get some goood scolding from my kor kor haha but he still care for me ^^

oh well for now i think this is the few friends i trust the most but i wanna tell my best buddy whom i have know since primary one ^^ hope he is free soon so i can tell him about it. but oh well, a least i have friends who really accept me for who i am, this kinda friends are hard to find so i consider myself lucky to have such friends ^^

oh well guess i am tired, i am heading for my bed so good night to all and have a good public holiday ^^ muacks love u guys ^^

have choosen the path and told the truth ...

2008-09-17T22:10:00.005+08:00

Hi all , well i guess u might have guess what i have dont from what my title of this posting have posted. Well i have told my mum that i am not straingh , thought ithought she would be extreme upset, angry with me and also upset with me she din. All she said was " my darling, try ur best and change, do it for mummy seek." I was like so upset when she said that to me, i was expecting that she would be angry and would yell at me but she din, after telling her for the next few dayds she kept smsing me asking where am i, what i was doing and also have i eaten. So most of the time i will reply her said that i am at home and i am looking for things to do, well all of it is true. But it came to the question if i have eaten i told her that i have no appitide and all she said was darling, u must eat and dont be troubled by what u have told me yesterday. I was like totally so upset and depressed that i literally wanted to breakdown. but ever since my mum know that i am not so straight and also different from my brothers, she was more patient and also gave me more attention, but because of this i am even more upset, but at least one of my greatest problem have been solve but there is more to come. Like for example how am i suppose to tell her i have boyfriends before and also what if i am attach how to tell her ? Thats the part i am kinda troubled with actually, but oh well i will have to use the policy i used to say boat till peir will automatically turn straight.

But anyway till today it have been like 5 to 6 days. My mum is still the same she will sms me and ask me where am i. But i notice the new question that recently pop out after i told her bout my sexuality orientation, and the question is "who are u with ?". But well as time passs sooner or later if i ever get attach again i have to intro my other half to my mum too and i hope she will accept it, further more now she have just accepted that i am a gay, it is already ahuge blow to her. I dont think she can handle it if i told her i have boyfriends. And what if when i tell her i haver boyfriends and she ask how many boyfriends i have before how am i suppose to tell her ? She will be fainting i guess. So for now i think the wisest choice for me now is to keep quiet and lay low and see what will happen. Hope that she will not ask such questions so that i will not have to tell her all about it. Thought i have once told her before that being gay is genectically in built in use. It has been decided that we are gay or not the day we were born. So there is no way we can decide for ourself for that and all we could do is to just act straight and not allow anyone to know we are what we are but only allowing some of our close friend know that we are and our family members know will do. Excluding brothers, sisters and grandparents. Oh well i guess that would be all the things i wanna say bah but i will try to make another posting tomorrow ^^. thanx for reading my bloggy ^^ thanx ~~~ thanx to all my reader love u guys. PLEASE to ake full use of the shout box. leave ur comment there and make some noise hahaha LOVE U GUYS ^^

times running out ... 2 options left ... do or die ...

2008-09-09T08:32:00.015+08:00

hiaz... today have been a bad day for me. i literally am feeling kinda down and depressed. not only my family is getting from bad to worst, but i am feeling really really tired of living and carrying on with my life ... now a days i am always alone at home, and the worst part is my mum is never home, except on mondays ... and sometimes saturday we will go out together, there are some things i really do like to tell her like my sexual oreintation, but afraid that she may not be able to accept it, i strive to keep it to myself and act as the child she wanted me to be, a normal boy who would have a gal friend... and than develope it further and start a family but i cant ... cos i really have no feelings for gals, i tried to like gals but it always failed.. and i dont wanna leave any burden behind, i dont wan any other woman to be like my mum, slog hell alot just to bring up 3 useless brothers , and at the end ... elder brothers is a loner who like to bear grudges and dont talk to my mum, second one, once got married got wife ... he would never even remember he have a mum... would only remember her when she has a car to borrow ... and as for me ... unable to be like a normal man to fall in love with a gal and have a family and also not completeing my studies... every night i tried to make myself to go to bed,but no matter how hard i tried not to think of this question it will still always pops out in my mind and haunt me and the question would be "will mummy accept me for who am i ?" and after that i would think of this "what if she dont" ... i just cant keep myself from thinking all the things that will happen to her, i am so scare that she will just be so emotionall down and depressed which i really hope it will not happen, but i really cant tolerate it anymore, and i really wanna confess to her but i just dont dare to ... it is like so hard for me to hide things from her as i never like to hide things from her ... and i am so scare that if i admit and cofess to her that i am a gay, she would disown me which i dont wan ... so i really hope i can make myself to keep it as a secret and never tell it to my mum ...

hiaz... i just really dunno how, just that there is no one i can really talk to share with my problems and my close friends and best friends are all anti gays and i am like so so so upset, there is like totally no one where i can speak to about my problems ... like today ... she came home and i was so happy ... but than my friend asked me to play mahjong and i said ok, so me , my elder bro plus my both friends played mahjong till today morning and after that my friends went home and my brother went to work ... and she started to nag at me ... i like the usual will just listen and if it is some important points i will remember( but most of the time all repeated), but i was kinda sad when she started to give me attitude, i was feeling so upset and thought i know i am a really useless person who dont even know A to Z when i was in K2 and would only know how to count 1 to 10 while the others already knew 1 to 100 ...and now, i am like so useless, everything is like cant do can do, not only i am changing my poly (meaning not completed studies) but also my health is starting to fail me... i know i am really useless but i just really cant help to think of my mum all the time ... i always think of her so frequent and would sms her soethings in the middle of the night,and she would reply me in the morning ... i really love her so much and i dont bear to hide things from her but i really cant imagine the impacto n her if i ever tell her i have a preference for guys, i just really cant imagine...and all i can do now is just saying sorry to her on this blog, while knowing her that she is bad with computer and dunno anything bout blog...

i am really sorry mummy that i am a useless and also good for nothing.. but pls forgive me that i am not a normal guy who will go and like a gal thought i am a bisexual but still i prefer guys far more than gals... i am really sorry mummy i really hope u will accept me for who i am ... LOVE U MUMMY ......

Ur Unfaithful Son

Hmmmmmm~ does old flames really do burn again ~

2008-09-04T02:52:00.008+08:00

hi all it has been sometime before i have up dated my bloggy, oh well today my ex who was my first first bf pm me on a msn, thought last time we were once together, the feeling i have for him and my recent bf was really different, the reason he gave and have left me was because he wanted to cocentrade on his studies and i accepted it but it was kinda painful...

as time pass by, thought we were separated i still have feelings for him , just now when i was chatting to him, he kinda hinted that he wants a patch, and i really dont mind patching back together with him cos i really like him, thought his year is his o levels but still i really liked him alot, and he is the only bf that i have been attach to for the longest, and i really like him alot, but anyway today he wants to meet me up and maybe if things goes well we may be back together again and if i were get back together with him i would be happy hahaha, but still he was afraid to ask me directly cos he was afraid that i may not accept him again, but the fact was that i was waiting for him to ask me to go back to him, cos when i am with him the feeling was so different, everything i felt was kinda perfect. but welll we can say but stillto matter what after a wound recovers there will be still scars left at where the wound is. but oh well, to my feeling the chances for us= to patch back is kinda high but still there is still a low chance where there will be a no ... so we shall see how things goes.

oh well, time have passed so fast and i cant believe it is going to be christmas soon, i have broke up with my bf bout 3 weeks and it seeks to be just yesterday, and u know something i just found out that my the last last bf, he was seeing someone behind my back while he was with me, and all along my guard feeling was correct, oh well, i knew as much when i know him the first time, he always tells me he is busy and so on but where he is after his work ? bugis playing game... what i do i kept quiet, week ends call him to accompany me, what he told mee ? he told me he was busy but after that i found out he is drinking at tanjong pagar at a aj pub i also kept quiet, and whats the best part ? promised to call me everytime also din call i still remain silence, told him to sms me in the mornign when he is up ? did if for the first 2 weeks than after that he din and when i called him and said wah never sms me he said i know u will call me so i din sms, i was like ok but i already saw the end of the relationship was drawing near... oh well, i dont wanna say who is he but u know who i am saying ... cos i have spoken to afew of ur ex and they said the same thing, but anyway let me tell u this, don enter a relationship and start to tell people that u wan him to be loyal to u and also truthful to u while behind his back keep meeting others and also telling lies... and u keep saying u have no money and u kept changeing phone isnt it ironic ? but i mean it is up to u if u wanna do such a thing but u tc , dont forget , aj circle is small and so u dont think u can do things that u like with out letting ur other half know thats is if u are attach now ok ? u should know i am talking bout u bah , the one who stays at jurong west...

oh well i am happy that i am no longer with him hahahaha , anyway thanx for reading my bloggy ^^ thans u guys muacks ~~~ hope u all will visit again hehehe anywya i will post a joke maybe later today so i hope u guys will like it MUACKS and thanx for visiting my bloggy ^^ love u alll and i love u most mummy

funny email but true~~~~~~

2008-08-26T15:16:00.010+08:00

one of my classmates send me this email and i kinda reallyl ike it and i gave a few friedns to read it hahaha... welll thought is is funny but it is kinda true~~~

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he said...no. She asked him if he would want to be with her forever....and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough.
As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said....
You're not pretty you're beautiful.
I dont want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever.
And I wouldnt cry if you walked away...I'd die...

Send this to everyone on your list.......isn't that sweet? I like you because of who you are to me. You are a true friend, if I don't get this back I'll take a hint.

haha it is really really true ~~~ and i also look at my bf's quality but not the appearance ^^ muacks love u my dear ~~~ hahaha there was another email which was kinda funny, but the pic is kinda off cos so i dont think i will post it, but is it bout sponge bob in india, but the pic is actually a india man wrap in a sponge, but the problem is that i dunno if that mean is alife and just lie in it or is it a picture of a dead man but they use a sponge to wrap him .... so ya better dont post it ^^ oh well maybe tonight i will post something again hehehe so yupz have a nice day ahead~~~

and before i end this, here a little question to twitch ur mind ~~~ hahahaha

what word will still pronouse the same and sound the same even if u read it up side down and right to left ?

hehehe Clues ~~~
Clue number 1 : It is a 5 letter word
Clue number 2 : S _ _ _ S
Clue number 3 : DONT EVER PLAY MAHJONG IF U DUNNO THIS WORD ^^

hehe leave ur answer at the shout box ~~~

bored, more bored, very bored and extreme bored ?

2008-08-26T04:53:00.006+08:00

hi all~

how are u guys going along haha oh well it has been a long time before i thought of anything to write ~ haha oh well, this few days have been a happening day for me hahaha firstly i have fell in love with someone hehehe last time when i first time meet him i thought he will not contact me after that and i though he din like me and some how i manage to ask him and i told him i scare he din like me and he told me that he was scare i din like him also hahaha but oh well hehe since now i know he and me feels the same, i proposed to him that lets try dating each other see how haha initially he was scare that he hurt me but after some chatting he finally decided to do what i said hehe but not to worries sweets lets try ok ? hehe muacks

after saying bout my sweets, now i wanna talk bout my poor da ger, lol trying to sell a 3 room flat but kenna alot of funny buyers ... din know some singaporeans are really prankster, haha why did i say this cos some of them dont intend to buy house but call to make appointment to view flat, hahaha others ? wanna buy the flat but not eligible... y ? cos they sold a same size flat before hahaha bad ya ? anyway i hope my da ger will sell the flat that he put in so much effort for ^^ jy jy ok da ger ? wish u all the best~~~~ and if any of u need a agent to sell ur flat or rent a room come find me i give u my da ger de number and he will help u ^^ he is a nice guy so dont worry hahaha ^^

hiaz so sian, i am like so bloody bored T-T, wanna sleep but cant sleep cos of my stupid flu medication and my migrain head aches, it is like making me feeling so unconfortable, hiaz, but anyway i am trying to look for things to do haha. Oh My Gosh, look at the time !!!!!!! 5.06 am ler eeks i better hit the sack otherwise cant wake up early hahaha so Good Night everyone ^^ tc and sleeep tight ~~~~ sweet dreams ~~~~ I love u sweets and i love u too my mummy ~~~ and definitely not my a ger~~~ goooooood luck on selling ur 3 room flat and hit ur target at the end of the year ~~~~ good nights all ~~~~

judge ?? since when i judge u ?? ATTN> darrick and ZJ

2008-08-22T00:14:00.004+08:00

oh u say i judge u on my own perception ? since when ? i din judge u ... u are doing a very direct hinting ... i din say anything ... but if u say that i am judging u than i have really nothing to say. no matter what i still gave u face and din say anything much but if u say like that u give me face ? my goodness i give u face and u wanna be this offensive fine with me. i ask u a very simple thing lor. when u were single u will always ask me out for coffee than when u are attach u dump me at a corner fine i am cool with it, but u remember this ok it is not the first time ler. u are now painting a very clear picture to me, saying that on when i am single i have "bro" with me, and when i am attach i can chark him one corner and tell him this " give me mor time to adept" fine with it i shall give u all the time u need but i can tell u one thing, u can ask for another tomorrow and i shall give u another tomorrow but dont forget u are just misusing peoples trust, i treat u as a real bro, u ask urself, even when i am attach i still meet u and also my dear, and when infront of my dear i got say dont anyhow talk la, control ur language la, did i ? u go and read the sms u send to me, ok fine i understand u din mean it but pls u know how hurting is it ? well u say ur bf is the educated type dislike valgarity, than i not educated la ? u mean i am a low life person la ? i am cool with it. darrick i tell u ok, first time when u and hafiz together i din say anything and when u broke off and than meet me for coffeee and hang out i din say anything much i close one eye and open one eye. but one have a limit of tolerating ok bear that in mind. for now i dont wanna say anything much. but u think lor ok have a boyfriend than abandon a bro is it the right thing ? i dont wanna say anything u just think ... thats all i wanna say

and for u ZJ, i also dont wanna say much lor, u treat me as a friend ok, but u think what ? u like u talk to me u attach u dump me a side too ? wah in this world got this type of bro ? my goodness i dunno what happen to u 2. last time, when the both of u say " when i get attach i will remember u de so dont worry." but see ? once attach both gone than once no bf come back find me ... nvm lor ... i am ok with it ... ask me for more time to adept ? ok i give u lor but how long ? like someone say till u turn back single huh ? ok lor i shall see lor

anyway u both tc, i dont wanna say much, from that time i last hang out to u all i already told myself prepare for the worst, this 2 person say only but at the end of the day it will not happen. thought there may still be miricles so i shall wait for that day to come... cheers to u 2 and hope u both lead a happy life ^^ love my mum and my friends and all of those who read my blog~~~ Once Bitten Twice Shy.....

time time time~~~~ whats more u need ?

2008-08-17T23:01:00.004+08:00

tsk tsk tsk~~~ bro lets put it this way ... not only i feel it this way la hor, even if i give u all the time u wan i can sure tell u, it will still be the same ... a leapord never changes its spots ... if u dont believe why dont u ask someone who know us tooo ~~~ oh well u take care bah hope ur family things will settle ... u take care ... no use to spam my shout box after reading my bloggy de ... read and u put ur pillow high high and think what i said is it true or not ~~~so take care

LOve my mummy~~~~~ hehehe muacks ~~~~ and all my friends and reader of my bloggy~~~

Once Bitten Twice Shy~~~~~

time have pass~ and like what i said once forgotten forever forgotten~

2008-08-15T21:07:00.005+08:00

oh well it have been some time ever since the diva got attach ~~ as predicted he will not cotact me and i dont bother to contact him too so as usual i stayed at home stick o my msn and chat with my friends hahaha and also meet at mad fellow for coffee and crap with him hehehe

oh well time have really pass ... it has been almost 2 weeks my bro got attach and he din even bother so sms me like last time hahaha oh well ... already predicted it will happen so let it be lul hahaha ... so for the pass 2 weeks i have been gaming, hehe i played cabal and i find the game quite interesting hehe as u see the pros bully the not so pros hahaha and end up the not so pros will be using the trade chat to scold about haha and we the nobodies or the bo chups will just keep quiet and continue to play and laught silently hahaha ...

anyway now to think back at the times when me and my bro hang out together almost everyday. it is kinda fun and full of laughter, now once he starts to get attach he can just abandone me and our other bro one side and dont contact us ... see la how heartless of him ... anyway i wish him all the best on his current relationship and take care ... i just really hope he treats me as a real bro and not when he is single, he come mingle with me and when he is attach he dumps me aside. i believe in what he told me when the last time i talk to him "give me some time to adjust , i still love my bro and i will not ps u de..." but as time pass, his actions speaks more than his words and i start to feel otherwise ... anyway bro u take care bah ... whether or not u treat me as one it is up to u bah ... if ur conscience are clear to say than i have nothing to say~~~ bro wish u and mark to be together forever and wish u both all the best ~~~ hope u both will remain happy and lovely together ~~~ guess this is what i can say~~~ i hope the time where i have to bide farewell to our friendship or brothership will never come ... but i sense it is appraoching soon ...

Love all my friends and buddy ^^ love u all especially u mummy and dear~~~ and i like to say this too once bitten twice shy to my bro~~~

the lonely silly T-T

2008-08-12T19:36:00.004+08:00

oh well time pass really fast haha ... last time the sill always hang out with the diva ... but now the diva have got himself attach haha good for him anyway and now he ps the silly so sad haha but anyway i am use to it ler hahaha

last time when he was last attach also like that suddenly disappear haha so i am kinda use to it haha the day he everyday call me it means it is up to no good ler ^^ anyway am kinda happy for him cause he manage to find his mr right and for me i just became single again haha ^^ anyway i was kinda happy to be with u thought it was just a short period of time ^^ hope u find a new and better bf than hehe ^^

anyway once a relationshi turn sour it will remain to be sour no mastter how much sugar u add to it and am kinda happy we had a clean break~~~ oh well today wa kinda of a bad days so am really tired so i guess am going to bed early ~~ nites all love all my friends and my only mummy ^^ love u all ~~~

wowee~ National day~~ BORED

2008-08-09T19:07:00.002+08:00

oh well today is the birthday of singapore hahaha anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE~~~ thanx for accomadating me thought hahaha for the pass 21 years~~~ oh well today was kinda of a boring day for me. i was kinda bored and i thought might as well come and see how3s my bloggy din expect that my blog would be view over a thousand times hehehe thanx alot ya my friends~~~ anyway ... i just turn single again haha thought it was painless but still sometimes think of it hahaha oh well if u guess were to wonder why i say it was kindap ainless cos i have experienced more painful things than breaking up so ya am kinda use to the hard times. even thought i am kinda soft hearted type of person i seldom shed tears anymore cos of what happen my hearts kinda solified now ...

anyway talking bout my posting ... i was kinda shock cos i have been monitoring for the past few days. before i posted my last posting it was only 668 reader but i din expect it to jump so fast i till it hit 1078 hahaha but anyway thanx for reading my blog ^^ i all along try to keep a low profile of myself but somehow my friends told me i am not a low profile as i think i am =( so i hope and pray what they say is not true sobby !

anyway ... timehave pass kinda fast soon it i going to be the end of the year ler hahaha and soon it is going to be 2009~~~ my goodness time do fly. today we celebrate the 43th birthday of singapore and i hope that the parade is more colourful and interesting hahahah but well everyyears about the same i justhope everyyear the front part of the parade would be cut off hahaha but oh well just let it be la huh like what some of u would say hahah the commands yelled out by the commander are kinda funny lol. suddenly got caw lan ( dogs balls?) to arh (duck) to punchi punchi hahaha i was like giggling all the way and there was this part where i laughted even more suppose to march off so when marching pass all have to look at the president but who knows this fellow was looking in the sky hahaha !!

anyway guess that would be all for today hehehe will write something later again hehehe and thanx for reading my blog again ^^ love u all my friends and readers ~~~~ ^^

the sillty, the diva , the humble boy and a arrogant ass

2008-08-03T09:15:00.006+08:00

hi guy , i guess u were wondering why i name my this current posting this title .. well i wa kinda pissed off with what happen on friday... u see in the aj circle or even logic wise ... there are some ground rule we have to follow but some how this pair of newly attach couple just did something and i was really pissed off ... thought the humble boy is my friend and is kinda new to the aj circle din know anything so it is ok but his bf well kinda know but still did it ... so this was what happen ...

On friday night i recieve a called from my dear friend boi boi ... he called me and ask me whether can he come to my house so i said not sure ... cos i am not sure if my mum will be home ... and also wondering how he was doing... so i ask him to ask my bro whether if can stay over at his place ... so before asking him to ask my bro(the diva) i actually ask him if u were coming alone and he say no he was bringing a friend ... so when he said a friend is coming along the first question that pop out of my mind immidiately was is he aj or a straight ... this was what he reply ..." i dunno u ask him" so i say ok ... so i ask whats his name ... my friend said his name is JOHN so i said ok ... so since he said he dunno he is a aj or not i told him say ok so my next question was u come my house do what ? he say cabal so i said Oi dont hor later u dump him there than i entertain again is it ?(happen once when he brought someone to my house with out my permission and lucky i know that person) so i say no we play card together ok ? he said ok so i say i get back to u later and ask him to ask my bro ... soon my bro say his place cannot... so after finding out that my mum was not coming home i said ok u can come over to my place lor ... and so ok they made thier way to my place ... soon they arrive i was about to shower so i call my bro to meet them and come my place ... and to my horror ... my bro told me thats not his friend ... that so call JOHN was his BOYFRIEND i was like WTH ... if i knew it was his bf i sure would not have allowed them to come ( at that moment i was alredy very pissed off cos he din tell me it is his bf and also boi boi say he is going to be straight after breaking up with TONY another aj)... so since they are here and there was no more train i let them come and i met them around my block ... and to my horror~~ the person who was claim to be JOHN was actually on my msn and he is a aj ! i kept looking at him and soon i manage to confirm he is SHAWN LEE who stays at JURONG WEST and so i ask again "whats his name ? " and u know what la boi boi ( not revealing his name) told me he is JOHN so ok i accepted that lie and kept quiet ... hinting again and again not to lie to me he refuse to listen and so it is ok ... when at my room i hinted them pls ok u can hug and kiss but no sex ... cos my brother(real life brother) would come into my room and use the toilet and so on sometimes and i told them no sex even my bro help me hinted them ... i mean pls la ok u are at someone house and it is not nice to have sex in others house and on others bed right? and u guess what they did ? they had sex in my bed i front of me and my bro ! i was like hinting them pls no sex and there they weill sucking each others tongue ? i mean WTF ! what if my bro comes in and so me and my bro gave a sarcastic stare to make them shy hoping they would stop and who know they continued ! i was pissed off by boi boi for telling me that SHAWN LEE was actually JOHN TAN ... i was like already so pissed and now have SEX ON MY BLOODY BED i was already so turn off by it ... i was like WTF what if my brother comes in ... and to my horror they were kissing and they were on top of each other ... (my door is lock most of the time and cos sometimes my brother(real life brother) comes into my room to use the toilet so he has the key) ... suddenly my bro(real life brother) wanted to use the toilet so he actually unlock my door and just dash in and that SHAWN just literally jump off boi boi ... i was like HOPING my bro(real life borther) din see it cos after opening my door he would actually put the key back into his room i was like WTF if my bro(real life brother) see and he told my mum ... i would be skined alife ... so amounting to all this they just stayed to kissing and hugging and soon they hug each other under my blanket ... before they covered ... they were in shirt after the blanket covered them from head to toe me and my bro could hear smooching and moaning ... i was like WTF ! soon they uncovered thier head ... they were both topless ...i was like so bloody pissed at that moment i just kept quiet and after wearing thier clothes back they continue !! and worst they could smooch till they were lieing on my bro's body !!! and i hinted them again by taking a packet of tipbits and sit there and munch on my tipbits hoping to really pissed them off and make them stop but they din ...finally when they say they go for smoking break in my toilet my bro went in too and they kissed in my toilet too !!! ... i was so pissed off at that moment i literally wanted to leave my room and go down stairs with out even telling my bro ... but i din wan to as it would be disrespect to my bro and so i just controlled and keep quieted and hoping it would faster reach 6 am ... soon it was 5am bro needed to go home so i said bro i pei u ... we went to the coffeeshop ... my bro knowing that i am extremely pissed he actually comfort me and he was also really pissed off ... i was like screaming and yelling WTF ... it is not right to have sex at others house ... WHAT TREAT ME HOUSE AS A HOTEL 81 OR PROTITUTION HOUSE ? FUCK ! i was like so bloody pissed off ... so i said nvm ... i told my bro later i am going to tell both of them off ... first telling me a lie that THAT ACT TO BE JOHN TAN SUPPOSINGLY to be another person and NOT A AJ ! SUPPOSEINGLY TO PLAY CARD BUT ENDING UP HAVING SEX IN MY ROOM ON MY BED ? ... so soon ... it was 6 am i met my bro and in front of him i told the both of them off ... JOHN TAN DONT THINK THAT I DUNNO U ARE SHAWN LEE OF JURONG WEST OK ? both were completely stunn and i was really pissed and fuming mad ... and i could see my friend boi boi was abit stunn and so i just walk and they follow me behind ... my bro just kept quiet ... and at the coffeeshop i kept my cool and keep quiet sip my coffee ... and i told them again and again never like to me ... i was so bloody pissed off hao ma and worst that stupid SHAWN LEE give me a look as if he was so bloody smart and he kept saying from the beginning i know u know who am i and so on ler i was so bloody pissed ... soon after i send them to the mrt ... and before boi boi left he wanted to give my bro and me a hug ... i was so pissed and i actually turn and left before he could hug my and he hug my bro ( sorry boi boi i know i was kinda rude but i was angry till the brim) ... he knowing that i was rather pissed off i just walk off ... soon my and my bro went to a coffeeshop and sit and i smsed boi boi ... this ... " i treat u as a friend and you treat me as a fool. i give you my trust and uplayed with it so dont expect me or darick to trust you in future tc and see a doc ( cos he was abit not feeling well)" and soon i got his sms replied "nvm le moo moo. u take care too. think today is my last daycan see u 2 liao. Nvm de la . i happy i gt memories wib u 2 . nvm nvm de . i dun blame u 2 . its boi boi fault . :( u take beri good care of urself le and derick . bubbyes " i was like so bloody pissed off cos when we were conversing at the coffeeshop his bf SHAWN LEE is so bloody arroagant ... so i told them am not going let this matter go so easily mean i will not forget it so easily and guess what HIS BF SHAWN LEE replied me this bloody sms and i blew my top this is what he smsed me "anyway shanw here ah.. u dun have to do anything de .. :) cause all along i dun intend to tell anyone i dun really noe le the fine with it la.. it doesn't harm me in anyway .. further more i duneven know u veri well so noe so much about me for ? onli now than i know abit bout u la.. :) " see how arrogant he is ? know he is in the wrong and still do this and all his sms from than on is like implying he is very high and almighty ?

SINCE MR SHAWN LEE U JUST KNOW ME ABIT RIGHT I WILL LET U KNOW MORE ABOUT ME ... I AM THE EASY GOING TYPE BUT IF U EVER LIE TO ME I WILL GIVE U CHACE TO REPENT BY HINTING U AGAIN AND AGAIN TO TELL ME THE TRUTH BUT GIVING U SO MANY HOURS TO TELL ME THE TRUTH U REFUSE I WILL LET U KNOW I KNOW THE TRUTH AND IF U TELL ME SORRY NICELY I WILL LET IT GO BUT NOW IT IS TOO LATE EVEN IF U SAY SORRY ... I KNOW SLIGHTLY MORE BOUT U OK SHAWN

NAME : SHAWN LEE
PROFILE NUMBER : 73830181
MSN : shawnylee@hotmail.com
ADDRESS : JURONG WEST BLOCK 4XX UNIT NUMBER 1X-9X
HP NUMBER : 9001 XXXX

AND SHAWN, YES BOI BOI DUNNO ANYTHING BUT I THINK U ARE EXPERIENCE ENOUGHT TO TELL HIM THAT IT IS NOT RIGHT TO HAVE SEX IN OTHERS HOUSE RIGHT ? SO DONT TELL ME HE DUNNO OK ? IT TAKES 2 HAND TO CLAP

dear reader after reading pls do tell me am i in the wrong or are they in the wrong ? sorry bout it but i am really so pissed off bout it there for i really wanna vent my anger ... anyway thanx for reading my blog pls do comment ^^ love u all muacks ^^love my dear and my mum ^^

hahaha sorry ~ was busy to post~~

2008-08-01T07:08:00.004+08:00

hi all ... sorry i was kinda busy so i din update my bloggy hahaha ... anyway for the last 2 weeks i was feeling kinda down cos my cat died ... and the day before i got my cats ashes ... wow my cat so big and now she fit into a small little urn ... hiaz i miss her alot ... he naughtiness and also her cuteness ... i really wanna cuddle her to sleep sob sob ... but anyway at least she died with out suffering ... my poor little darling died and i felt so down and up ... haiz ....

oh well anyway for the past one week nothing interesting happen ... hahaha but today ... is the first day of hungry ghost festival ~~~ and soon it is going to be national day lol ... than there will be the stupid national day parade which will be filled with stupid thingy and it is going to take up the tv time slot ... oh well but it is nice hahaha but i pity those who are active in it cos they have to take the sun and the stress hahaha jia you ok u guys performing ^^ and after the celebration ... there will be the talk again by the pm ... u know who la he will talk alot of non sensible thingy sian and waste the time slot for better shows ... but anyway happy birthday singapore and thanx for nothing ya ^^ hahaha oh well that would be all for now hehe since now i am in a better mood i am going to update my bloggy more frequent hahaha ...

LOve my mummy and my dear ^^ and all my dear friends~~~~~ hehehe ^^

just lost a little love one ...

2008-07-22T13:42:00.004+08:00

T-T todays is another painful day for me ... my cat who have been living with me for 15 year have just pass on ... my grandma , mum , bro , sis , and me are feeling very upset ... i am like totally feeling so upset ... earlier on i cubbled her as she breathes her last few breath before passing on ... before she passo n she vomited and look at me for the last time before she was gone from the waorld and gone to the far plane to meet my father and grand fathers ... i will really really miss her alot ... i will sure miss her gentle coat of fur and adorable face ... i feel so so so upset ... i cant believe she just pass on ... hoping she would live longer so she could have a more joyious life when time to come ... but who knows her life end today 22th July 2008 ... at 12. 15 pm 09 secs ... i could see that my grandma was really hoping she was alife cos when i went to answer a phone call ... she actually go and touch her and called out her names hoping she would meow for her the last time ... but my cat din ... as i see my grandma walking towards the kitchen will a sarrowful face ... i was kinda upset too but having to control myself from not crying afraid that she would cry too i held on and dare not cry afraid she would also cry ... i really cannot believe that my healthy little fat cat would die so soon ... i witness her last moments of living ... as she struggles to draw every of her single breath ... and soon she started to stiffen up and vomited and just stop breathing ... and it was the last time she drew her breath and look me in the eyes ... i am like why must she die so early ... why i just cant believe it ... hiaz .... guess today is a bad day for me ... hiazz ... now i am totally out of mood for everything ... from eating to sleeping to watch tv ... i feel totally very very down ... but thanx to my baba who tried to comfort me and cheer me up thanx ... love u mummy and dear ... and all my friends ... and thanx to the staffs of Paradise Pet Shop located at 232 Whitley Rd Mt Pleasant Animal Hospital Singapore 297824 for sponsoring the other half of my cats cremation when we are having some financial difficulties and also alice who was kind enought to console me even thought i am just someone over the phone who is feeling really down thanx alot alice ... thanx alot for the sponsorship ... and if i were much more well to do i will sure repay for u good deeds ... thanx a million ... when i am free i will sure take a trip down to thank the people there and also buy alice lunch ... thanx ...

Something iread and i think that i should share...

2008-07-22T02:28:00.003+08:00

today i was kinda having runny nose so i cant sleep so i started to surf the net and i came across this article ... of Lawrence King a young boy aged 15 who was bold enought to admit that he is a homosexual and soon he was bullied , teased , pinpointed , being outcast and at the end was shot to death ... oh well the article is kinda long but after reading it ... i kinda pity him ... the article's which appeared on NewWeek titled "Young, Gay and Murdered" ... if u are curious bout the storey heres the link >>> http://www.newsweek.com/id/147790/page/1 (hope the article will never be removed)

oh well after reading the really really long article ... ther were alot of interesting facts that were stated in the article like ... "One study found that the average age when kids self-identify as gay has tumbled to 13.4" haha i found it quite true hahaha but any way ... i believe all of us wanna be like lawrence who dareingly tell people that "i am a gay" but cos we are in a homophobic society majority of us would rather keep it a secret amoung our group unless people finds out bout it ... but at least we are asured that what happen to lawrance will not happen to us ... but still having the entire society looking down at us once they know we are a homosexual it is kinda hard ... i cant imagine how lawrence felt when the entire schools even teacher who are suppose to help us students even outcast lawrence and also treated him in a bias way ... hiaz .... i wonder what would have happen to me if i were to be in lawrence shoes ... but lets hope that lawrence wil be give justice ...

oh well enought bout that and moving over to myself haha ... today was a rainy day and as u know when someone have flu they will hate the rainy weathers .... cos it will be cold and also when u go out ur feets will be wet and when u go to a shopping center with wet feet u will feel that u are walking on ice hahaha ... but anyway today i GOT MY CONTACT LENS hahaha ... i tried it on and wow !!! i could see things more clearly hehehe but sad to say first time i wear i can only wear for 4 hours but who knows i manage to wear only for 2 hours cos it kept moving and moving and i adjusted it back so frequently that it felt painful so i took it out haha ... oh well anyway later i will try putting it on again hehee and this time round i hope it will not be painful ... hehehe cos today i have to go to the bank to settle my school loan stuffs hahaha ... oh well ... i actually am very scare of something but i have to go for it this coming friday unless i am sick again and i see a dictor .. and guess what is it ? ... ns check up ... everything is fine but i am afraid of the blood test part cos i am afraid of needles T-T and also i will faint if i see blood being drawn from me sob sob ... so hopefulyl i am still having flu so i need not to go otherwise i would cry or end up in hospital if i faint ... but on well ... i have decided to reenroll myself in the poly again after withdrawing from my ex poly ... i am hoping for a near poly to my house hehehe ^^ anyway i am hoping to complete my studies before going into ns ...

after talking bout my fear ... i felt more nervous cos the last time when i took blood test in school i kinda almost faint if not for my friends who supported me i would have fainted ... but is there really a need for a blood test ? i am just wondering ... and why must we be force to go ns ? cant it be a option for us ? why must it be compulsary for guys to go ns ? how bout girls ? is it cos we guys have a dick and girls have pussy thats why we have to go ns ? or just cos they make babies to add on to the population of the nation thats is thier national service ? O.O i just wonder ... why cant we guys opp to go for ns or not to go for ns ... i just cant understand ... and furthermore i think ns is a waste of our time and youth ... why cant we decide weather to enlist ourself or to go work ? and i am just wondering ... i only have a mother left ... and my 2 brothers are like CANNOT MAKE IT and if i go ns ... who will look after my mum ? she will be totally alone right ? and further more the standart of living in singapore is like shooting higher and higher and my mum is drawing a salary which she may not be able to eat sometimes and hello ?!?!?!? she is 54 this year and i wanna spent more time with her ... she look after me since young why cant i stay with her ... look after her ... accompany her ? why ? and why should i be force to go for ns ? why ? i think even after alot of people go enquire bout the ns thingy the government just keep quiet and never say anything and from time to time they keep having those national servise advertisement and so on why ? for what waste money since u ALREADY pridicted for us to go in ler so why bother telling us the meaning and so on ? we have to repay the nation ?!?!?! my goodness i think the person we have to repay is our parents hao ma ... i just wonder those 2 guys who died in national service ... why must they day ? and what if they are the only son ? judt think how thier parents felt ? i dont wanna let my mum be sad again after losing her other half u know ... i dont wanna be dead and cant look after her ... and seriously one day i will try a wayy to tell her that i am a bisexual and i will intro her to my bf if i have one that is ... and we stay together as a family ... hiaz ...

I REALLY HOPE THE NS THINGY WOULD BE MADE OPTIONAL ... just cos our population is small it dont mean that we have to be forced to do something that we dont like to do ... it is like totally unfair for us guys ... hiazz but anyway i totally feel very upset bout it and i just wanna end my life ... why people from other country can have a colourful life from the day they were born till the day they die and why we singaporeans cant have that ? it is like standardise for us guys ... after study ns ... ns ... ns ... i rather spend the 2 years working studing and looking after my mum instead of going to ns ... IT IS A TOTAL WASTE PF TIME ! it is like totally unfair ... =(

OH WELL MY DAY HAVE BEEN RUIN ... guess i will go to bed and hope when i wake up i feel better and my runny nose is gone ... leave ur comments if u have any ... LOVE MY MUMMY ANDMY DEAR and also all my friend~~~~ OYASUMI NAHSAI ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ T3T

Down with flu~ and bad weather~

2008-07-21T05:42:00.007+08:00

hi to all reader of my bloggy hahaha today i am having flu and i din wanna update my bloggy but since i cant sleep so might as well update it ... as i am typing my lastest posting ... i am wipeing my nose cos it is leaking ... hiaz ... i hate it when i have flu ... feel so sleepy and yet cant sleep ...

anyway ... when it was friday ... i thought it would be a long and nice weekend ... but who knows ... it pasted so fast ... oh well from friday till sunday ... all i did was wake up watch tv meet my bro nad go and stroll the pasa malum haha and when i thought that the pasa malum was ending there will be going to be another chain of stall hich is going to open under my block i am like OMG hahaha the pasa malum opposite the mrt station is ending on the 26 July which is next week hahaha ... oh well everyday i am only craving for the TAKOYAKI !!! hahaha i like it the most and it is like yummy yummy hahaha ... i have been like eating takoyaki for the pass 2 weeks hahah but i still like it alot ... hehehe and guess what i really hope there will be takoyakii when the pasa malum near my blocks open ^^

anyway ... one of my friend just got attach so oh well Congratulations to u for getting attach and i hope u and ur dear will be a happy couple hehehe ... now back to myself ... my bro and my dear told me to try contact lens and i am like OMG i dont dare haha but guess what ... i went for a eye check and my contact lens have arrive today ... hahaha so wish me good luck later when i go try it on haha i hope it is not painful when i put it on ... moooooo ... and after contact lens ... it will be a hair cut for me hahaha (BABA WHEN U GOING TO BRING ME GO CUT HAIR LIKE U PROMISE DE) kekeke oh well ... i dunno what will happen to my hair but i really hope that my hair would turn out to be scary to me hahaha .... i kinda like my curreny hair style but i think it need trimming if not my eyes will get infections and also my face will have alot of volcanic eruption *u know what i mean* haha ... oh well i am will to try all this since my baba wanted me to so oh well BABA FOR UR SEEK ... i will try ok hahaha but pls dont call me wear bright colour t-shirt and BRIGHT COLOUR SKINNYs i will die in front of u if u call me wear those hahaha ... hiaz ... my runny nose is kinda bad ... just sunday only and i have use almost 1 roll or toilet paper ... hiazz how bad is it going to be ... oh well it is going to rain so i guess i wanna go sleep ler hehe kinda cold even thought i on the fan and din on the air con ... and my mum is not home so i will just stick to the fan and the thick thick blanket hehehe ... thanx to all who have read my blog though it is less than a month old but it have been visited 500 times and counting ^^ MUACKS hehehe ... OH WELL ... GOOD NIGHT ALL ^W^ LOVE MY DEAR AND MY MUMMY MUACKS~~~~

the silly meeets the sexy again >.<

2008-07-17T02:07:00.004+08:00

hahaha today was a long day lol ^^ it was kinda of a boring day haha and guess what a close pal of mine met me and we have a drink together and strolled the gombak area hehehe thought there was a pasa malum( dunno how to spell) ... so we walk the gpmbak area and soon i had to send him to the mrt cos he had many projects and report to do ... so sad hope could be with him longer so can chat with him more hahaha ...

but anyway meeting him was a happy thing but now coms to my bro darrick but some how he was troubled haizz ... it seems that someone he trusted alot had told him many many lies hahaha so oh well i cant blame him for being so troubled but at least he trust me alot and tell me his problems hahah oh well i actually do tell him my troubles too hahaha kinda fun when both of us together we can crap and could even say all sorts of things together hahaha anyway hehehe talking bout this i was so happy last night hehehe ^^ i manage to see my dear again hehe i met him together with darrick and my other bro ZJ hahaha (short form hehehe wanna know his true name ? ask him urself i call him jie jie) hahaha anyway my dear brought me for dinner and after that we all strolled the pasa malum and he bought many many food for me to eat and he bought durian hahaha but i wanted to bite my dear cos he actually eyed on other guys roar hahaha but anyway hehe i forgive him ler hehe but i enjoyed alot last night as my bros and my dear plus me gather and linger together hahaha

OH well anyway later my bro will be having his test ~~~ so gooood luck hahaha cannot fail argh cos u say very easy but at least 95 % pass other wise i skin u hahaha ^^

YAY anyway i was kinda suprise my bloggy have hit 400 reader hehe thanx alot ^^ I hope that some of my posting actually are similar to what u are in now and so u at least know that i am having the same problem as u hehehe well when u online u can chat to me about it too haha will be delighted tooo ^^ so cheers~~

anyway i heard this song from a friends friendster and so i added on my bloggy i find it kinda nice so i hope you readers would enjoy the songs ^^

guess thats all for tonight so good night to all and sweet dreams ^^ *yawns ~~~* time for me to shower relax abit and go to bed hahaha so CHEERS ~*thought i am no drinker* hehehe love all my friends ^^ especially my dear and MUM ~

Bisexual ??? or just Pure Gay ??? i wonder which am i ?

2008-07-15T07:14:00.004+08:00

hahaha oh well by the look of the title of this posting u should have guess what i am thinking hahaha but anyway today i made a new friend and he is kinda confused i guess hahaha hi to my dear friend hehehe *dont worry i will keep u in my mind and not tell others who are you*

anyway i was thinking of the same thing and i met him tooo and we chat bout the same thing and so ya i thought might as well post it on my bloggy and see if how many of u agrees with my definition of bisexual and gay ?

Bisexual > have a like for the opposite sex and also the same sex ...

*LOL ... i feel that the bisexual definition is kinda ironic though hahaha ... whats the different between a half gay and a full fledge gay =x*

Pure Gay > like only thier own sex in another word homosexual ?

LOL ... any way i hope people who read this posting will help me on weather my definition is correct hahaha ....

anyway my new friend ^^ whose name start with a letter "v" ... i know u are confuse with weather u are a gay or a bi or a straight who is curious ... but not to worry ... as time past u will really know what u prefer to be and attach to who as in to a male or a female hehehe ... oh well ... if u are wondering how i found out that i am a gay hehehe ... heres my personal experience ...

When i was in primary school ... i tend to look at guys ... and i dislike gals ... and so most of the time i would be a loner and always minding my own bussiness , looking at cute guys around my age or even my senior hehehe ... but cos alot of my classmates hated gays so i din dare to tell people that i like guys and also at that point in time i was still young and so i alway think that i am just envy guys with good looks ... but still sometimes i would be attraqcted to cute looking gals ...

When i was in secondary school ... i am still the same ... looking around at guys and so on but this time round ... i started to fantasize on hugging on this particular guy in my class cos h is like so handsome and fit hehe and i am like always seeking a chance to peek at him naked ... but also there is always one fact that is around .. and this fact is that my classmates hates gays too ... and peeping at guys would be a very very gayish thingy and also let my classmate feel that i am a gay ... and still the same ... i dont believe that i am a gay ... and i continue to tell myself that i am not a gay and i still like gals ... but somehow when in secondary school i hated gals alot cos of the way they act and do thing cum the fact that they always like to whine and bitch around hehehe...
but also i know the fact that when u let people know u are a gay ... tyhey will start to boycot u and also start pinpointing u ... giving u nick names ...

When i am in poly ... i am still the same ... the quiet guy ... who like to be quiet and do my things and help my friends when they are in trouble ... for the first few weeks of the semester of my first year i hang out with the gals and the guys ofg my class started to few abit wield and so i tried to mixc up with the guys and soon i click with them ... and than again ... i fell in love with this cute little guy in my class hehehe ... i would always see him from a distance and alway hope to be with him alone and hug him ... but still i was afraid about letting people know that i a guy who likes guys which is adnormal ... and so i control and in my mind i always fantansize hugging him and having sex with him *eeks that time more mature hehehe so thing y y* but at that moment in time i thought very deeply and i told my self that i must never let people know that i like guys and dislike gals as i am afraid my classmates will boycot me ... and so i kept to myself ... soon one fine day my friends (the guys) commented that i dont look at gals at the moment in time i was so stun and i din know how to answer them ... but some how i manage to avoid to answer ... and till today i think they dunno that i like guys ... as time passes this question keep popping out of my head ... and i told myself that it is time where i should accept that i am a bisexual or a gay ...

haiz ... but thoughts after thoughts ... i could not believe i actually turn into a bisexual and finally and reluntantly i accepted that i am a bisexual ... and soon ... this question pop out in my mind ... " whats the freaking hell difference from a Bisexual and a Gay ???" ... hahaha and atthat very moment i am like so bloody confused and soon i came out with the definition of bisexual and gay haha but at the end ... the both definition still means that i am a gay .. and so finally i accepted that i am a gay ... and the day i accepted it was the day i created this blog ... 28th June 2008 ... thought i have break throught the ice barrier for admitting i am a gay ... but there is more ice barrier to be broken ... like what to do when any of my friends find out that i am a gay ? ... what if my mum finds out ? ... and many other possiblities ... hiaz ... oh well since i have chose this path i guess i have to be strong and strive along it ...

BUT HOPEFULLY ... NON OF MY FRIENDS, FAMILY MEMBER OR RELATIVE WILL EVER FIND OUT THE TRUTH THAT I AM A GAY ... AND AGAIN I WANNA APOLOGIZE TO MY MUM ... THAT I AM A DISGRACE TO U AND DAD ... AND I AM VERY SORRY ... BUT I REALLY DONT HAVE FEELINGS FOR GALS AT ALL AND I LIKE GUYS ONLY ... SORRY MUMMY ... I DONT MEAN TO KEEP IT FROM U BUT I REALLY DONT DARE TO TELL U COS U WILL BE EXTREME UPSET BOUT IT ... SO SORRY ...

HIAZ SUDDENLY FELT LIKE CRYING DUNNO WHY ... GUESS I CONFESS TOO MUCH ... BUT OH WELL I DIN SLEEP THE WHOLE NIGHT AND I AM MEETING MY DEAR LATER HEHE SO I GUESS I WILL WAIT FOR HIM TO COME AND CHEER ME UP ...

THANX FOR READING MY BLOG AND I HOPE U GUYS WHO READ COULD LEAVE SOME COMMENT IN THE SHOUT BOX ^^ LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS ESPICIALLY MY DEAR AND MY LOVELY MUMMY ^^ MUACKS

Boring saturday and guess what the silly and sexy did ?

2008-07-13T05:42:00.002+08:00

hahaha... thought it was a saturday ... me and darick met up and we stroll to the mrt with a friend called lester hehehe ... and opposite the mrt there was a pasa malum hahahha there is this malay stall near the traffic light and to tell u the truth thier food id nice nice and superb nice hahaha i bought alof of it to eat and i was like i wanna eat more but i din bring enought cash out hahaha .... but anyway after that darick came my house awhile and we brough my dog to the stair and we sat there chatting to each other and play with my doggy hahaha ... darrick say my doggy very cute haha cos it has no tail and when it wag its tail it is like shaking its back side haha so cute ...

but anyway today we ate lotssa fooooooooooooood from the pasa malum and it was so nice hahaha but i scare were they clean when they prepared the food hahaha anyway it was kinda fun to hang out with my bro darrick and some how we can have many topics hehehe oh well it is kinda late hehehehe and my dear just got home ... u see la lol =P

ok la time for me to sleep *yawn*nites all ~ sleep well~ sleep tight ^^ Oyasumi nasai~~~~~ LOVE MY DEAR AND MY MUMMY ~~~~ I WISH THAT MY MUM WILL NEVER FIND OUT WHAT AM I AS I WANNA BE WITH HER ALWAYS ....

The Silly meets the MAD Diva ?

2008-07-12T03:25:00.003+08:00

hehehehe ... dunno what to name my posting so i started to name my silly posting with this title ... anyway hehehe i meet my bro darick for prata hahaha and well who knows~~~ haha someone on a bike who was nice and pleasant came with us ... hehehe hi mr sweet guy nice meeting u " if u know who i am implying ~~~ *winks*" hahaha anyway we had prata and after that i suggested we go stroll and who knows mr sweet guy dont like to stroll and so i suggested to go to darrick house to see his doggy ... haha his doggy so cute ... but darrick says when ever his dog see me ... his dog so high and it like to HUMP me !!! i am like omg !!! hahaha like the day before i went to darick house ... his dog literally shave his nose at my butt i was like !!! OMG !!! hahaha and today it kept humping me from the moment it saw me and i was like OMG !!! hahaha and darick ask me WTH what smell do u have on you why my dog keep humping u haha and i say how the hell i know ...

Soon we left darrick house haha ... and i started to miss his dog but no choice we have to send this sweet little guy to get his bike and so we walk him to get hisd bike hahahaha and after that me and my bro went to the 7-11 to get ourself a drink haha and who knows when we were paying for our drink we say 2 guys ... they seems to be AJ but i dunno are thery or not ... but anyway we left 7-11 and walk to the fitness corner which was near my house and also daricks house and sat there and chat ... haha some how when we are together we have lots of thing that we two could chat about like BFs and many other stuff hahaha oh well i dunno why we just kinda click hahaha and we could talk from everything ... from gold to even shit hahaha !!! we sat there drink our drink and chat and soon we were tired and decided to go home and once i got home i showered and u should be able to guess what i did next hahaha ... which is ... putting up this post hahaha anyway it was nice to hang out with my bro and also the little sweet guy hahaha ^^

OH WELL ... it is getting late so OYASUMI NASAI ~~~~ hahahaha good night ~~~~ MUACKSSSSSSSSSSS hehehe >.<

TAKE GOOD CARE ALL MY FRIENDS ^^ AND LOVE U MY DEAR AND MY MUMMY ^^ MUACKSSSSSSSS hehehe feel free to comment in the shout box to those who read my bloggy ^^

The Silly meets the Sexy >.<

2008-07-10T01:04:00.005+08:00

hahahaha silly title huh ? hahah anyway if u are thinking whos the silly and whose the sexy hahaha i will tell u ^^ ... i am the silly ..... who can eat hell lot and the sexy will be my bro hahaha darick *hahah if he sees me calling him sexy he will be high~~~* anyway ... just now we meet for coffee again hahha and guess what we hang out and soon i intro someone sweet by the name of daniel to my bro darick haha he he was like BLUSHING hao ma ... but any way affter chatting together for like almost to 1 hour ... daniel had to go meet his friend to collect something ... and so after daniel boarded thee bus me and my bro ... well same thing dwell around gombak as if we were the guardian there haha and we crap again ...

and soon we chat alot and some how we kinda talk bout religion ... sorry to those christian friends of mine but i dislike christian religion ... but i like u all ok hahaha ... anyway we touch on the topic abit ... and some how it link to my bro's personality ... some how the conversation links like no tomorrow haha ... but anyway imy bro of mine ... looks fierce and gigantic .. but he is super fragile hahaha so i tried to build him up hahaha but by the looks of it he is trying his best to build up so i am giving him all my support hahaha ... and i told him ... dont care what others think ... and dont get propagated so easily ... think of it deeply and than do it in actions hahaha ...

and soon it was late so we had to go home ... and who knows ... i ask my good friend ber ber how is he ... and he say ... not very goood cos his friend broke up lol ... isnt he silly hahaha but anyway it shows that he care ... but a advice to my good friends friend ... be strong ... pick up from where u fall ... in this world ... no one will help u ... cos u are the one who can help urself at times like this ... furthermore ... lasting gay relationship is hard to find ... and finding one is like finding a needle in the sea bed ~~~ haha ...

anyway ... i maybe a fool to u ... or i may be a craper , joker , idiot , stupid , silly and many others ... but when a relationship ends ... i will not be very upset or so ...cos ... some how since young i have gone throught too much painful thing and even lost someone so valueble to me ... therefore ... i have told myself i will never shed another drop of tears ... not say i dont treasure or so ...but when i am with anyone of my bfs i will treasure u give u all my love and care for as much as i can give u and even when we break i will still care for u and hope to be close friends but never be enemies ... but when i am in a relationship with u i will always put my mum first ... so dont u DARE to be jealous bout it ... hahaha dunno why but i guess it is my life and also my past which make me a very hard hearted person but have a soft heart for my family ... oh well it is running late so i guess it is time for me to orh orh ler hahaha SO OYASUMI NAHSAI ^^ hehehe

steven today i know u going to be enlist today ler GOOD LUCK AND JY hope to meet u for lunch or so when u book out over the week end !!!! JY OK !!! and tc ^^

GOOD NIGHT AND HAVE A PLEASANT DAY LATER ^^ and thanx for reading my bloggy ^^
LOVE MY DEAR AND ALL MY FRIENDS AND I LOVE U MUMMY ^^ hehe pls do leave ur comments at the shout box at ur own will

MUMMY I HOPE IF EVER U FIND OUT I AM A GAY I AM VERY SORRY BUT I HOPE U WILL ACCEPT WHO I AM AND WHAT I AM ... COS I FEEL THAT I DONT WANNA LET ANYONE TO BE LIKE U ... SO I AM VERY SORRY IF I LET U DOWN AS A SON WHO CANT MEET UR EXPECTATION TO BE A NORMAL GUY ... SORRY MUMMY I LOVE U LOTS

WAH LAO ~~~~~ (~>3<)~~(^-^~)

2008-07-07T01:40:00.004+08:00

HAHAHAHA no title to put anyhow huntum title lol ... anyway haiz another night alone so sian ... and tomorrow is monday and my friend is starting school so sad la he just now so emo when i accidentally say the wor school lol ps la darick hahaha anyway hehehe i am so happy ^^ my mr right pass his final theory test hahaha CONGRATULATION MY DEAR MUACKS hehehe ... anyway today my and my mr right we went for lunch together hehehe and we had kinda of a interesting time together hahah i was commenting on his laksa and he say u cook la since u commetn so much and i dared him hehehe so fun ... the food was terrible ... at thew coffee shop the only nice food i find there is the soupy stall at the corner and the chicken rice hahah others re like CMI~~~ ho ho ho

anyway today ... after lunch with my mr right ~~~ i went to meet my friend darick haha he keep complaining hahah saying he salted vegetable life i was like wah ~~~ u not sway ka bah hahaha but anyway darick jyjy i will try my best to find a bf for u de if i can hohoho =P

*YAWN* so tired guess i will and rest early hehehe so good night to all sweet straw berry dreams and sleep tight ~~~~ LOVE my BABA and my MUMMY ~~~ hehehe and all my dear friends~~~~ hehehe and one more thing~~~~ BABA JIA YOU ON UR DRIVING TEST WHICH IS COMING SOON ~~~ MUACKS~~~~

yay ^^ hehehe

2008-07-05T22:17:00.004+08:00

hahaha sorry to my blog readers ... was kinda busy hehe so din have time to update it ... anyway hahah i am very happy cos my mr right is going to stay over at my place cos my mum is staying at my grandma house hahaha so he can come over and sleep heheh ... so happy !!!!!!!

OMG my imagination is running wild LOL but anyway ... we can do anything cos my second brother is around hahaha so therefore we can only snuggle and sleep together hehehe but we are going to have supper together like that he say hehe MUACKS ^^ anyway that day i met my good buddy ... and he say he needs a bf hahaha am trying my best to help him find one keke ^^

Piggy ... i know who are u ... but i feel that we know each other not long only and i furthermore ... i have just decided to be attach to my mr right and see how things goes ... and furthermore ... we only know each other for like only 2 weeks plus which i think it is abit too fast for us to develope it into a relationship too ... but anyway ... we can be friends close once but tobe together ... maybe next time but ... it is still tooo early ... and it may just be puppy love ...

HAHAHAHA am so impatient !!! ROAR waiting for him to come >.<>3<

LOve all my friends and buddies and of cos my MUMMY ( real mummy) and my FUTURE HUBBY ^^

OMG OMG OMG

2008-07-03T02:34:00.002+08:00

OMG ... today was a extremely boring day hahaha but oh well it has passed hahaha ... oh well at least today i met my goood friend darick hahaha we had coffee and we chat till almost 2 am hahaha was kinda fun hanging out with him and i guess i have found my mr right hehehe >.<>.<

anyway today i got a silly sms from a friend ... and he say "i wanna see ur dick" i am like WTH ? u send me such a sms ... i got stunn when i read that sms and my friend ask what happen ... i was like OMG ... and he said that my friend told him i got a nice sick i was like HUH !?!??!?!?!??!?!? i was like completely stunn ... but oh well at least i got the things iron out hahaha and it have past haha not in my mind i always think of my mr right and my goood buddy darick hahaha ^3^ i wish to meet them every day so nice to hang out with them haha oh well hope to be with my mr right together forever and ever ^^

anyway ... just now when i was peing my mr right to wait for his bus home together with my friend darick haha my mum called me suddenly and i have to answered the call ... and who knows his bus came and he came to me while i was talking to my mum and he kissed me on my lips and i was completely stun i was like OMG !!! and i was afraid that my mum will hear it lor but lucky she din hahaha .... but she kissed me in public and i hope people on the bus din see it hahaha >3<>

Stressed on relationship~~~

2008-07-01T00:31:00.000+08:00

hi to anyone who visit my stupid blog lol .... anyway i really dunno what to write tonight but and suddenly something came to my mind ... how to u reject someone's proposal to be ur bf and yet not hurting thier feeling ? hahaha i dunno how and i have tried a few ways ... some i tried hinting but they never give up ... some i told them flat on thier face and yet he was upset ... so i really dunno how haizz ... i thought of many ways and method and tried all ... i even tried to change the topic when someone propose to me but it did nothing ... sooner or later the question is back again but in a different way hiazz ...

Oh well, while typing this posting i was chatting with this cute fellow ... but i was kinda upset ... i was trying to meet him out for a meal than hang out watch tv at my place chat know each other better ... and tried to cheer him and disturb him by calling sweet sweet cos he was kinda cute ... but ... somethings happen ... he said i got on his nerve and he thought i meet him cos i wanted to only have sex with him and dump him ... i just really cant understand why everyone will thing that we meet each other just for sex ... why cant we meet each other cos wanna be friends ... i wonder just why i cant really think of a reason ... well i know there are some black sheep who is outside saying we wanna be friends ... than meet ... than go to bed ... have sex ... and than disappear ... i know some are like that but that dont mean all are the same ... it is the same as the left hands prints are different from the right ... hiazz ... oh why maybe i am just being naive ... hiazz guess people really think differently ... oh well ...

SHIT MAN that really made me moody ... zzz was kinda of a nice night or infact already early morning ... thought it was a nice yesterday and maybe will have a sweeter today but see what just happen OH GOSH ... cant believe it just happen ... haizz was hoping that today am going to meet this cute guy for a meal and hang out with him ... but it seems like 90% u am going to spend the day alone again by myself ... oh well am used to it already so i guess i will be prearing to be on sgboy finding people to chat and hangout hahaha thats why i do during my free time anyway ... oh well since i am kinda moody i guess i will go do my stuff and go "emo" hahaha cya all ~~~

(~^3^)~~(*^-^*~)

Sad sad night~~~

2008-06-30T14:28:00.001+08:00

hiaz ... last night was a scary night ... was chatting with some of my aj friends ... and suddenly had the urge of going toilet ... not knowing that my mum came home so early i went to the toilet with my msn chat window open and mirc on ... luckily ...my mirc account was minimise and my msn window had no gayish language ... sad i cant really stand this type of life any longer ...CRAPz ... it is only a matter of time which my mum will find out that i am a gay ... hiazz but i dont wan to know thta i am one ... hiazz anyway hopefully and pray that she will not find out ... so after last night ... when even i chat on msn ... i will make sure i close the window if there is any gayish things ... and when i am afk i will minimise my mirc ...

Hiazz ... it is so hard to live a life where i have to do thing in the dark avoid to be seen ... like going out with my boyfriend ... i cant hold his hand nor kiss him unless we are at a stairs or a corner where no one could possibily see us ... when watching movie i can't feed him with pop corns unless we are at the last row ... or snuggle with him ... or hold his hand ... hiazz ... i wonder if i will ever have those guts to do such things ... and the worst part is i never like to go town ... cos i have sslot of relative working in town and further more ... recently i found out that one of my relative is also a aj ... which i am trying to not let him know that i am one too incase he tell my mum or other relative ... SOBZZ SOBZZ why life must be so unfair for us gays ... when the other meaning of gay is merry, cheerful or lighthearted ... and why cant ourr life be like what the word means other than the meaning of homosexual ...

My first posting of this blog~~~

2008-06-28T17:46:00.000+08:00

hi everyone i created this blog for fun ... and i guessed u would be wondering why i named this blog as the fallen forbidden one ... well ... in singapore ... we singaporean who like guys also know as gays ... are dislike and hated by other singaporeans ... thought singapore is now very open society but still ... the other will never accept the existance of us gays or bi-sexual ...

I feel kinda down ... and dare not to tell my family nor my friends that i like guys and not gals ... i dont dare to tell my mum that i am a bi-sexual or infact gay ... i have afew boyfriends before and i loved them alot but i was always tempted to intro them to my mum ... but i am afraid she will not accept it and would be very upset ... cos i am the closes to her and she loved me alot ... and so i never tell her that i am a gay ...

I feel happy when i have a boyfriend who loved me and dote me alot ... i go out with him and enjoyed alot but still having lots of pressure ... having to act as though i am a normal guy ... and afraid that my boyfriends friend who dunno that he is a gay, client or his work mates might see us together ... i feel very up set ... when going out with him ... hoping hold his hand and walk on the streets ... hoping to hug and kiss in public ... but it is something that is impossible ... it is so unfair ... thats why i always ask them to come my house when my mum is out ... lock my room door ... spent time with him ... hold his hand kiss him hug him as much as i wan ...

I envy my friends who dare to tell their parents that he is a gay ... i wan to but i will never have the guts to tell my mum that i am a gay cos i dont wan her to be upset and depressed ...i tried to be straight again ... but ... when i try to look at gals ... i have no interest in them ... and they really dont turn me on ... and i think that i rather have a boyfriend rather than a galfriend ... hiaz i really dunno what to do ... feeling up set ... dont dare to go out ... afraid of others knowing that i am a gay ... and i dont wanna lose my friends ... i tried indirectly asking my friend what will they do if they ever fnd out that they have a friend who is a gay ... and this is what they reply " i will disown them ... and FRAGOTS like them should never have any friends" ... i felt so up set but still i still put on a smile ... know that being a gay is not a easy thing ... but still i chose this path ... being a gay is a tought thing as we have to be prepared to be treated ... unfairly ... biasly ... pinpointed ... called names ... and also ... dislike ... now everyday i just hope and pray that non of my friends find out that i am a gay ... than i rezlly hope till the end that they will now .....